SIXTEEN
THE SONG OF DISTRACTION
SEBASTIAN
My dad’struck shook when I shut the passenger door a little too hard. I pressed my forehead against the cool window, averting my gaze as Alex climbed into the driver’s seat and buckled up. The lingering smell of wood reminded me of my dad more than I would have liked. I still remember when he bought the truck eight years ago. He took me to the dealership and made me go through all the paperwork so I would know what to expect if I ever wanted to buy a car.
Now, sitting in that same truck next to the guy I had a major crush on—whom I had just fought with for the first time, to the point that I was ready to shout, just like I did with my dad so often—was a little too much to process.
Instead of using our inspiration from going downtown to write something new, as we had planned, we spent hours onthe same songwe had been working on when his friends interrupted us.
Alex wanted to redo his vocal parts over and over again, even though there was nothing wrong with his third take. Maybe I was a little too impatient with him, but I needed to say something. Too much perfectionism wouldn’t help us at this stage. But when I spoke up, we quickly got our wires crossed, and thingsgot heated. He actually raised his voice, but before I could start screaming, we decided to call it a night.
“I’m sorry for lashing out at you,” Alex said as we rolled down the hill.
“You’re just being passionate and want to do things right,” I replied, still a bit too sharply. “I get it.” His perfectionism might be what makes his songs so great. “I’m sorry, too, for not taking your criticism seriously enough. It’s okay that you want to make it the best it can be. I mean, I want it to be perfect, too.”
He obeyed the stop sign at the end of the road. Instead of looking out for other cars, though, his gaze wandered to me. “The truth always lies in the middle.” Without any further explanation, he turned the corner. “I’m okay with you sending it to your friend for some outside feedback, if you still want to do that.”
“You sure?”
About thirty minutes ago, I had suggested we send the demo to some people who weren’t involved. Nora and Raul offered it, and given how they had gotten into a whole fight about it the last time, they were a pretty well-balanced duo to give us feedback.
“Because if you mean it, I’m sending it to them right now so we can get back to work in the morning.”
“Do it.”
“Really?”
He had been so against it before we left that I couldn’t quite fathom where his change of heart came from. I pulled out my phone, navigated to the Files tab, where I had saved the demo, and opened the menu.
“Because I’m sending it now.”
“Yes, send it.”
“Are you?—”
“Do you need me to screw you in the backseat before you believe me when I say I’m okay with it?”
“That’s not a good threat, you know.” I laughed and sent the file. “I also want to let you know it’s too late for backsies now. But I’m fine if you still want to take advantage of my ass.”
We drove in silence for half a minute. Teasing him like that felt normal. When we first met, it had been the only way I could deal with someone so similar to me living in my old room. Although my understanding of the situation had changed, the teasing remained. I loved how he looked at me when I said something like that, and how he tried to keep his breathing steady while his thoughts clearly somersaulted in search of a comeback. After arguing with him, though, it felt different now.
“Sorry if I’m teasing you too much,” I said.
His fingers slid down the steering wheel, gripping it near the bottom. “Where’s this coming from?”
“I don’t know.” I curled up in the seat. “I guess, I want you to know I wish things hadn’t gotten out of hand like this.”
“I’m the one who yelled at you.”
“But I’m the one who criticized you first.”
“Which might’ve been the right thing to do. You weren’t wrong. I was overly critical of my own voice, and it was good to tell me.”
“Still, I don’t want us to fight.”I already had enough people I fought with too often.
“I’m not upset about it, if that’s what you’re thinking. In fact, I’m glad it happened. Because I know now you won’t just say yes and amen to everything I want. It probably sounds stupid, but that’s something I like about you.”
