By the time I left the courthouse, I felt like I’d been hit by a Mack truck. My head pounded. My feet hurt. It was just past four so at least I’d be able to have a normal dinner with Will. I missed him. The trial had taken over my life. He was experiencing the first few weeks of high school with a basically absent mother.
My phone rang as I walked up the steps to the City-County Building. It was Bree. I never even got a chance to say hello.
“Mara, I’m so sorry,” she said, crying. “I didn’t know he was going to get into some stupid thing that I did when I was a kid. Did I ruin it?”
“No,” I said. The truth was, I wished she’d have told me. But I honestly hadn’t anticipated Cutler would bring up an expunged MIP charge. So that part was on me.
“You did all right,” I said. “Don’t let any of this upset you. You’re not the one who hurt Ellie. Don’t forget that.”
“But if this gets screwed up because of me …”
“It won’t.”
“I’m still sorry,” she said.
“I know. I am too. I should have thought to prepare you for something like that. Nobody’s perfect, okay? It’s fine.”
“Okay. Thanks.”
“I’ll see you soon,” I said.
I clicked off. Caro waved to me as I walked into my office. She had her phone in her ear. Hojo was down the street at a meeting with the county commissioners. We’d sent the interns home for the day. I welcomed the peace and quiet as I intended to finish up a few things before finally heading home.
I made it two steps into my office before Gus Ritter’s gruff voice hit me from behind.
“Why’d you just let him do that?” Gus said.
I turned. He stood there in his weather-beaten tan trench coat, his tie crooked as if he’d tried to wrench it free.
“I’m sorry?” I said.
“You let Cutler walk all over you in there. You let him basically tell that jury that Dane Fischer killed that girl.”
I peeled off my own overcoat and tossed it on a chair. The pounding in my head got worse.
“Gus, that’s not what happened. I lost a ruling. A ruling I knew I’d lose. There was no way I could keep Dane Fischer’s name out of this. But you got to say what you had to. There wasn’t enough evidence to convict him.”
“You think that’s going to matter? All Cutler needs is reasonable doubt. If he gives them a plausible alternative suspect, they’ll acquit.”
“You really want to lecture me on burdens of proof, Gus? I know what I’m doing.”
“Do you? You’re off your game, Mara.”
“Gus!”
Sam filled the doorway just behind Gus. He looked winded, like he’d run all the way over here from his office. It occurred to me he probably had. He was trying to save Gus from himself, maybe.
“I don’t want to hear it,” Gus snapped. “Not from either one of you. If Jamie Simmons walks because you didn’t do your job, there won’t be a do-over. I’ll spare you the lecture on double jeopardy.”
“Gus,” I said through gritted teeth. “You’re upset. You’re overworked. This isn’t you. You’re hanging on way too tight.”
“And you’re not hanging on tight enough.”
“I’m doing the best I can with what I have,” I said, then instantly regretted it. I hadn’t meant it as a dig at Gus, but knew he could take it that way.
“What’s that supposed to mean?” he snarled.
I was tired. I should have taken the high road. I should have just ignored him. But I didn’t. My own insecurities came roaring to the surface.
