I have a feeling I already know but want to hear his reasoning to be certain.
Maddox’s long exhale ruffles his hair, the ends curling ever so slightly from the dampness that plagues this tiny cavern. “I panicked. You called me grotesque, and I felt so foolish for desiring someone as beautiful as you. I did not wish for you to laugh at my desire.”
Does he really think me so callous?
What am I saying? I was callous in throwing such insults in his face when all he ever did was show me kindness and affection.
He rubs mindlessly at a smudge of dirt clinging to his bare ankle. “After I told you my heart belonged to another, you started looking at me differently, like my presence did not irritate you as much. Then you offered to help me, and I knew it would be a way to spend time with you.” His hand drops and head lifts, the onyx pools of his eyes capturing mine. “I have craved your smile and laughter since I first saw you in the square. I know my lie has made me an untrustworthy male, but if there is any way to make it up to you, say the word, and I will do it.”
There’s so much to unravel in that statement, but what feels most important at present is acknowledging my own mistakes and lies, my own role in this deception, the falsehoods that set this path in motion.
“I never thought you were grotesque. When you teased me about blueberry pie, I stayed up all night thinking about it . . . and you. The day at the quarry, you caught me right after Nolan told me he no longer wanted to fix our broken relationship.” After he accused me of wanting to sleep with Maddox. I swallow past the growing lump in my throat, not for the loss of what was but for the way I treated the kindest man I’ve ever known. “You always looked so happy to see me, and I didn’t want to get your hopes up. So I decided to dash them.”
“Thoughts of me have kept you awake?”
“Yes.” Since we’re revealing our truths, I add, “On quite a few occasions.” I may have borrowed Kerris’s book on the Unseelie and read the tome from cover to cover. Twice.
Once the well was open for the Unseelie to use any day of the week, I may also have lingered in the square to watch Maddox collect water.
I never allowed myself to acknowledge these instances for what they were because doing so felt disloyal to Nolan. I was only looking, after all.
And dreaming.
No one can control their dreams. Was it my fault my subconscious seemed stuck on this man?
If only I’d realized sooner that Nolan Graham hadn’t deserved my loyalty.
Maddox sits back, his brow furrowed as he takes in all I have shared. “You say the Nolan dismissed your love at the quarry?”
I nod. “Our relationship has been on the rocks since Kerris was arrested.”
“So every time I asked about the two of you . . .”
“I lied about that as well.”
“Ha!”
“Did you just laugh at me?”
His grin grows, and he claps his hands together. “I am not the only liar in this cave.”
“That’s not a good thing, Maddox.” The exhaustion must be finally getting to him. The poor man has officially lost his mind.
“You are not going to marry the Nolan, and you think I am handsome. These are very good things.”
“But I lied to you. You have every right to be upset with me.”
“I could never be upset with you.”
“You shouldn’t forgive me so easily. I said terrible, awful things.”
“That were not true.”
“Yes, but . . . that’s not the point. Don’t you want to make me feel bad for treating you so horribly?”
He shrugs. “I only ever want to make you happy.”
Tears prick my eyes. “Stop being so bloody nice to me.” I don’t deserve it.
