Maddox blinks at me, his expression as confused as the one his goat always wears.
“Gia Gill? You must think me a fool. I bet you were laughing at me this whole time.” No doubt Nolan and Ivee and everyone else in that damn pub are doing the exact same thing. Laughing at poor Nia, who cannot convince even a bloody palace guard to stick around.
“I would never?—”
“Get off my lawn. I never want to see you again.”
I stalk into my parents’ cottage and slam the door. And because I have the worst luck, I run straight into my mother.
Her hands fly to her chest, clutching the top of her apron. “Heavens, Nia, you look awful.”
Justoncecan she pretend she cares about something besides my bloody looks? It doesn’t matter how awful I look; what matters is how awful I feel.
I drag my fist under my eyes, hating the wetness there. “Ivee proposed to Nolan.”
Does she comfort me? No. That would be too motherly. Cordelia folds her arms across her chest and raises her chin so she can look down her nose at me. “I told you not to invest your foolish heart in that boy, didn’t I? He was beneath you,” she adds, her favorite argument about everyone and everything she deems not good enough.
Beneath me. Does she even hear the words that come out of her mouth? “I’m the daughter of a bloody accountant! I’m not exactly a bloomin’ prize.”
“Your cousin is the Queen of Willowhaven?—”
“That has nothing to do with me!” Men aren’t lining up at the door to court me simply because of who my relations happen to be—and I wouldn’t want anyone only interested in my familial connections.
I want a husband who loves me for who I am. Is that so wrong?
She snaps her fingers, a gesture that might’ve cowed me when I was twelve. Now, all it does is make me want to scream in her face. “Do not raise your voice at me. You’re acting like a child.”
Who bloody well cares?
“Oh, Mother, would you just shove off?” I leave her gaping like a fish and stomp up the stairslike a child.
Then I slam my door like one too.
18
Maddox
“You win more suitors with smiles than with frowns.”
— A Seelie Guide to Matrimony
“You can leave me the hell alone.”
I knew Nia would be angry, but I did not realize how upset my lie would make her. She is not the fool; I am. I stole her companionship under false pretenses. Companionship she would not have given me otherwise. Now, as expected, she wants nothing to do with me.
There is no point in fighting. This is a grave I have dug, and now I must lie down and let the dirt fall over me. I climb onto Dusk’s saddle, my heart a shriveled mess as I steer him toward the castle. The past days have been all light, and now the darkest night has descended with no promise of dawn.
The castle rises in the distance, shadows growing with the falling sun. Even the peaceful gardens have lost their color. I bring Dusk to the royal stables, letting one of the fae there take him for the night. The energy has left my body, and I do notexpect it to return any time soon. Even the thought of greeting my Biscuits exhausts me.
This is not his fault, though, so I pat him on the head and bring him into our home.
Home.
An abandoned wooden cart I restored and parked in someone else’s garden. The contents, from the quilt to the single skillet to the three-legged chair were all found thrown out of other wagons or foraged from old camps during our many hunting excursions.
I have made a place for myself out of others’ discarded belongings, a feat that used to make me proud. This night, the whole place makes me impossibly sad.
After years of practice, I have become adept at pushing down any negative feelings. Fae are not interested in what is bound to bring them down. This is why I have dedicated my life to lifting others up with my smiles and my laughter. There are times when I say things knowing they are silly. I do not mind appearing a little foolish if I can bring someone else joy.
