I should be fine with only celebrating my birthday, but I’m not. Nothing feels “fine” about the situation.
What’s even the point of having a party, especially knowing everyone will be expecting Nolan to show up? When he doesn’t, they’re bound to start asking questions and ruin the entire night.
I give up eating and press myself deeper into the thick floral cushions propped around me. What a bloomin’ disaster.
Kerris stretches her legs over my knees, and her head falls back. “I was thinking we could have something here in the castle gardens and invite all your friends.”
That would certainly make my mother happy. Cordelia would love nothing more than to rub it in all the other mothers’ faces that her daughter’s birthday is being held in the glorious Castle Rose. Me, on the other hand? I think that sounds like torture. “What if we had something more intimate instead?”
“Really?” Kerris sits up a little straighter, her eyes narrowing.
“I don’t know,” I say with a shrug. “I feel like I’ll be dragged from pillar to post greeting people I barely speak to anymore and not have any time to truly enjoy myself.”
Thankfully, that seems to appease her. “It’s your birthday; we can do whatever you want.”
If that’s the case, I’ll just stay cooped up in my room with a bottle of wine so I can drown my problems and then hate myself the next morning.
“Who would you want to invite?” she asks.
“Maybe just you and Everett and my parents.” Cordelia will be livid. Perhaps there’s a light in the darkness, after all. “Maddox can come too if he wants.” Assuming he’s not busy with his Unseelie woman. He would probably insist on bringing Biscuits as well. The idea doesn’t irritate me as much as it might’ve a week ago.
Imagine if the goat started eating Cordelia’s skirts. That’d be a sure way to steal the attention from me. Maybe I should give Biscuits his own invitation.
Kerris rolls her ankle, bumping my stomach with her foot. “Don’t forget Nolan.”
Oh, heavens. I did forget Nolan, didn’t I?
“Of course Nolan will be there.” Except he won’t.
I haven’t seen him since the quarry—not that I’m complaining. There’s no point rehashing the past when he won’t be part of my future.
Speaking of futures, I really should try to meet some new men to cure me of my current infatuation. Unfortunately,Rosehill isn’t as large as it seems when it comes to the dating pool. Everyone talks, and the moment I show genuine interest in someone else, word is bound to spread like locusts, and then the questions will start. Why should I be expected to explain such a private matter to mere acquaintances? My love life—or lack thereof—is no one’s damn business.
Maybe I should see if Theo and Cora want a guest for a few months. Applewood seems a nice enough place. I can hide until the scandal blows over and maybe even meet someone who doesn’t know me or Nolan or anyone else in my circle.
Kerris takes my hand in hers, giving my fingers a squeeze. “Is everything all right?”
“Everything is wonderful.” Except for my smile. That feels almost brittle. “Why wouldn’t it be?”
Her lips flatten into a disapproving line. “I’m going to pretend like I believe you. When you’re ready to talk, I’m here to listen.”
One of the many reasons to love Kerris. She doesn’t pressure me to speak when I’m not ready.
I’m not sure I’ll ever be.
“There’s nothing to talk about. Honestly, I’m fine. But I should be getting home. Mother is baking pies for . . . um . . . for a sick neighbor, and she will not be pleased if she has to do all the work herself.”
If Kerris knows it’s a lie, she doesn’t say. She drops her feet to the thick carpet and pulls me in for a one-armed hug. I promise to give her regards to my mother and then leave through the castle’s main entrance.
On the way out, I meet Maddox by the gates, his goat trotting along beside him on a lead like a mangey, horned, bug-eyed dog.
Seeing him resurrects my smile, even though it shouldn’t. Curse this heart of mine for wanting things not meant for me.
I come to a stop far enough away that I don’t have to smell the goat.
The corners of Maddox’s smile pull a little higher. “Nia Quill. You are looking shiny as a fresh blade this day.” His gaze flicks to the castle at my back before returning to me. “Were you visiting your cousin?”
“I was. I told her about our lunch the other day, and she asked about the Unseelie you’re courting.”
