‘Why?’ he repeated, his voice high. A wave hit and his board drew further away. But he lifted his chin, shouting his answer over the wind. ‘Because he loved you.’
Toni sucked in a sharp breath.
He kept speaking. ‘He loved youfirst,’ he added gently. ‘That’s why I want to pay my respects. If you like, I’ll plant it in your garden.’
She needed to throw her arms around him, hold on to him while the poignancy of his words made their changes in her heart. The reasons she’d fallen in love with him crystallised in her mind and her feelings made perfect sense, for once.
He shivered violently. ‘Perhaps the English Channel isn’t the place for this discussion.’
‘You’re right. We wouldn’t want you to get hypothermia before we’ve got to the good part.’
He eyed her, but after what he’d put her through, she didn’t mind making him wonder for a moment.
After fighting the waves back to the beach, he helped her haul her board up onto the shingle, then reached out a hand, staring as though he were still having trouble believing she was standing in front of him, unsure whether he could touch her or not.
‘Why are you here in Weymouth?’ she managed to ask.
‘Practical, level-headed Toni,’ he began, her name spoken in the same tone as amore, the endearment that had sometimes fallen from his lips on Elba. ‘I’m here for you.’
Her knees were wobbly. Perhaps the waves had made her seasick. He’d come so close to telling her everything she wanted to hear. Her throat thick, she plonked onto the shingle and stared out to sea.
‘I read about this new tender your company won. It’s a big deal,’ she commented.
‘It was well-timed,’ he countered, his gaze still fixed on her.
‘Because you wanted to go back to the company?’
He eyed her as though she were being purposefully obtuse. Perhaps she was, but the words rising to her lips were too important to say until she was certain of their reception. ‘Not exactly. It was a way to be here without… expectations.’
‘You mean commitment?’
‘No,’ he said with a chuckle. ‘I’m here for the duration of the project, now, no matter what happens. They had planned to open an office in Bristol. I had to pay to break the lease, but it was a way to be here in case…’
‘In case what?’ She was this close to grabbing him and kissing him and to hell with the talking, but she had to be certain her heart wasn’t running away with itself.
He dropped down beside her, his forearms propped on his knees, his head hanging. ‘In case you ever think—’ He swallowed. ‘In case one day you want to— If you feel you can?—’
‘If I stop loving Miro?’
He flinched at her words. ‘No,’ he answered immediately. ‘I respect that love you have for him too much. I thought maybe…’
‘Maybe what? That I might find a way to love both of you?’ She kept her tone as even as possible, wondering if he’d see the truth.
He didn’t see it. Poor Gabri always put others first. ‘I’m not expecting you to change anything overnight.’ His look was grave and tender and a little bit miserable and she wanted to grasp his shoulders and shake him. This was her present – maybe herfuture. Their future. ‘Andreas said you were visiting that place – his ashes – and that’s what you feel, so it’s okay. I’m still here.’
‘You’re just here to be a friend to me in my continuing grief, avoid Cillian, go windsurfing sometimes?’ she asked lightly.
His gaze shot up. ‘I hope not! For the love of God, I know it’s complicated, but I’m here because I still somehow believe I have a chance with you! The way we connected on the island is something special. You woke up something inside me, Toni – youandCillian.’
‘Children are a lot of stress and worry,’ she reminded him sarcastically.
‘Because they mean so much to us,’ he declared in reply. ‘I realise I was a cowardly idiot for five years of my life. I don’t know anything about children, but Cilli isn’t just anyone. He’s your son.’
‘Why does that make any difference?’
He threw his hands up. ‘It makesallthe difference, because Iloveyou!’
Everything inside Toni went still, settling into place and breathing out with the relief of coming home. He’d actually said it. He felt it. He was here, now – for her.
