Toni bit her lip as those words reminded her of her mother’s hinting. As tempting as it was to just tackle him to the bed instead of exchanging actual words, she wasn’t sure she could leave things like this between them.
‘Coffee?’ he asked, not waiting for her answer before heading into the kitchen to brew it. He took his time – as he did with everything – but he knocked over the grounds and spilled the water as he was filling the moka pot. While the water boiled, he fetched a shirt, disappointing Toni by slipping it on, although he didn’t bother with the buttons.
‘Are you okay? After last night?’ she began.
‘Yes,’ he answered in a clipped tone as he fetched two espresso cups from the high cupboard. ‘Cilli?’
‘He’s fine. Swimming at Sottobomba with my mum.’
He paused, leaning heavily on the kitchen counter. ‘And you’re here. To say goodbye? I thought we’d done that part.’
‘Gabri, anyone else would think you’re not happy to see me,’ she grumbled.
His gaze snapped up. ‘But you don’t think that?’
‘No,’ she answered. ‘I think you don’t want to say goodbye.’
‘It would have been so much easier if we didn’t have to,’ he said bitterly.
She shook her head. ‘It’s not really fair, you know,’ she began quietly. ‘You want to make me admit that I have feelings for you, that this,’ she gestured between them, ‘means something, but you’re still going to say goodbye forever, without even writing to me any more.’
He whirled to face her. ‘Maybe I will one day, when this time isn’t so close to the skin.’
‘You should have let me pretend this was just a fling, some kind of friendship with benefits,’ she muttered.
The frustrated sound he made in the back of his throat was familiar. ‘The memories would be wrong.’
She scowled, annoyed by how his words resonated. ‘Memories are always wrong – including yours.’
‘What are you talking about?’
‘Rosalba – yourcompany. You let me believe you’re a… beach bum with no ties, that responsibility strangles you. But you own a company – which you took care of, at great cost to yourself – and you gave everything you could to your marriage, even though you weren’t sure you wanted children.’
‘Ileft.How is that is giving everything I could? And I don’twantto own the company. It’s just that nobody had enough money to buy it off me and I don’t want to introduce a stranger into the partnership.’
‘God,’ Toni said with a huff, ‘you really don’t see it. It’s fair enough that you needed to retreat here to recover from an incredibly stressful time in your life, but nobody thinks you failed them – certainly not me. You’re more resilient than you think.’
‘And you think I’m resilient enough to keep writing to you, even when I miss you in myblood?’
Damn dramatic Italians. Toni allowed a few breaths to penetrate deep into her lungs before she dared respond with the words that were bubbling up. ‘Well, you could visit.’
He straightened. ‘Visit?’
‘Yes, you take a boat to Piombino and then drive to Pisa airport, where you can get a flight to Bristol.’
Gripping the back of one of the chairs around the dining table, he leaned close, his expression tight. ‘Toni, do you really believe the reason we’re saying goodbye is only because ofme?’
32
Toni fell silent, resisting a flippant answer like,Well, yes, I did think that.
Instead, she swallowed the misgiving pounding inside her and asked, ‘What is the reason then?’
‘Can you imagine me visiting? Your friends and family would see me. They’ll all know it’s not just friendship here – although itisfriendship as well,’ he insisted forcefully, which wedged something warm inside her chest. ‘What would you tell Cillian?’
For the sake of her pride, she wished she had an answer for him. ‘I don’t know,’ she admitted.
‘The worst part is, it’s not even your friends or family – or your son – that are the problem here. It’s you.’
