‘I’m glad everything was all right with your son,’ Alison said as she gave Toni a loose hug. ‘Parenthood is a challenge, so I understand.’
Oh God, even that was enough to remind Toni of Gabri, which seemed to be the pattern for the day. She was annoyed he’d tried to express feelings, got that tortured gravel tone in his voice and then just left, escaped as soon as the other two generations of Toni’s family appeared – which was typical, actually, so she shouldn’t have been surprised.
She shouldn’t have let her heart start to wonder if last night had altered anything for him – not that a change of heart would do anything about their circumstances.
But he’d slinked away without saying goodbye – not even arrivederci, since they probably wouldn’t be seeing each other again, maybe not even online. The worst part was that in theory, he’d done the right thing: a quick, painless farewell. She had most of the day to spend with Cilli before their ferry off theisland, a night in a hotel in Pisa and then, after an obligatory picture of Cilli pretending to hold up the Leaning Tower, to the airport and home. That’s what she should be focusing on.
‘Another one done,’ Reshma said with a sigh as they waved off the happy couple. ‘It’s been too long since I helped out on site. Maybe I should do it more often.’
‘You might have to when Sophie has the baby, at least until she’s ready to come back.’
‘But we have you to help out too, now your starter wedding is behind you.’
‘Oh gosh, I’m never doing that again. Even the thought of juggling being away from Cillian or bringing him along – we know how badly that ended – is difficult enough. I’m out. No more weddings.’ If that meant no more job, Toni was tired enough to be sanguine about it.
‘All right,’ Reshma said, so gently that Toni had the urge to give her a hug, even though Reshma was clearly not a hug person. ‘But you know, just because something didn’t work out the first time doesn’t mean you should give up on the idea entirely.’
‘I think it means exactly that,’ Toni scoffed. ‘I’m not sure I’m cut out for it anyway. The whole “it’s easy to be cynical” thing.’
‘Nothing… changed your mind over these two weeks you were on the island? Or no one?’
‘No,’ she said gruffly. ‘Would you like a lift anywhere?’ she asked, changing the subject. ‘We’re checking out and heading to Portoferraio for the day – to the beach.’
‘No, I’m staying on a for a few days,’ Reshma answered.
‘Oh? You didn’t mention that.’
‘Didn’t I? I think we told you right at the beginning that we quite often tack a holiday on the end. We often need it after wedding week.’
‘I’m beginning to understand that.’ Toni paused. ‘Well, I’ll see you back in Weymouth, I suppose, next time you’re at Great Heart Adventures.’
Packed up to go half an hour later, Toni found herself on the beach at Innamorata one last time, no trace of yesterday evening’s wedding left on the sand – as it should be. Cillian stood well back from the turtle nest, watching it with an intensity that made her concerned about getting him away in time to enjoy the white sand beach on the northern shore of the island.
But he eventually turned away himself, reminding Toni of snippets of her conversations with Gabri about holding onto some things and letting others go. He’d carved a place for himself in her mind and she had a moment of panic about how she was going to get him out.
Stopping in town at a panetteria, they picked up schiacciata, cheese and prosciutto, and three enormous pieces of millefoglie custard slice, then headed for the Sottobomba beach, its white pebbles blinding in the sunshine. The water was an impossible shade of turquoise, lapping gently on the shore, protected by today’s south-westerly wind.
And every part of that half-hour – except for the millefoglie – reminded Toni of him: their first day at the beach together, so uncertain of each other; windsurfing in the maestrale at Procchio; their last picnic dinner on the western shore. She had to pull herself together.
Cillian was a child of the coast, so he made straight for the water, barely stopping to drop his T-shirt on to the sunlounger.
‘Just a minute, Cillian Alexander Goschl,’ she called after him. ‘Sun cream and a drink of water and then you have to play Dobble with me until the sun cream has soaked in.’
She wondered if Gabri played card games. She guessed not. He probably sucked at least at the games that required impulsivity and a flair for risk. Puzzles, on the other hand…
It was so easy to forget the man had a PhD. She couldn’t picture him behind a desk, working on his electricity grid optimisation or whatever it was he’d said. But then, he probably had no idea what she was like in Weymouth, since he seemed to think she was vivacious and entertaining.
She’dbeenvivacious and entertaining here.
Gah, she was thinking about him again, and Cillian was clapping his hand over each and every Dobble card as she paid zero attention to the little pictures.
She smiled after him when he bolted for the surf as soon as she released him. The water looked cool and inviting, especially from under her umbrella, which seemed to capture the heat and radiate it back on to her. Conditions were calm. She could swim out and see what was beyond the white cliffs jutting into the sea. She could enjoy submerging herself in the warm water of the Mediterranean before she went home to the bracing English Channel.
Instead, she hesitated, watching Cillian without taking in what he was doing.
A nudge from Daphne dragged her out of her distraction. ‘Toni.’ The long pause gave Toni an idea of what she was going to say, but Daphne was even more direct than she expected. ‘Go see him.’
She sat up straight, the simple statement still making no sense to her. ‘There’s nothing more to say. I mean, except a proper goodbye.’
