‘Gabri’s ex-girlfriend,’ Toni said with a groan. ‘I’m sorry I introduced her as Gabri. I thought that would be simpler, but I was wrong.’
Daphne’s anxious glance in Cillian’s direction sent alarm up Toni’s spine. She was trapped in bad choices; that one reckless moment when she’d asked Gabri to kiss her had unravelled and fallen into the cracks in the rest of her life.
Now she’d berated Gabri for having a simple conversation with her son and dug herself an enormous hole with a stupidly complex handful of lies. But instead of protecting herself, now she was stuck in the hole with everyone staring down at her injudgement – including Gabri, Mr ‘I didn’t want to lie to a child’ Orzati, who was lying to his bloody self when he said he didn’t take responsibility for other people. And he had a damn good reason for it, unfortunately, so she couldn’t even resent him while her heart broke for what he’d gone through.
She didn’t have the space for any of this. She had no answers to her own life – only questions and the deafening past.
She said the only thing that would make things even a little better: ‘Shall we go get ice cream?’
Cilli’s face lit up, then his features dimmed again, wrenching another part of her heart out to bleed with the rest. ‘I just got this new net. I was going to play in the rock pools.’
‘I’d hoped for a tour of this workshop,’ Daphne said, sending Gabri a challenging gaze.
‘Seriously, Mum,’ she said, grasping Daphne’s arm, ‘the wedding is in two days and he has a lot to do. I just dropped in to…’
‘Check on the deliveries,’ he answered.
Aha, so hecouldlie.
‘We’re… missing some of the hydrangeas for the table settings, but I can improvise.’
‘There’s always thistles,’ she commented absently, thinking ruefully that one of them should have tried harder to keep their prickles out. ‘I still need to go and get these turtle ornaments. How about you go play in the rock pool and I’ll meet you there afterwards for ice cream? We can talk later,’ she added for Daphne’s benefit.
‘How long do you think you’ll need?’ Daphne asked. ‘I don’t think I’m going to be able to drag Cilli away and you need to get back to the hotel, don’t you?’
A headache threatened behind Toni’s forehead. ‘Yes, but what do you suggest we do?’
‘Well,’ she paused, shooting Gabri a look full of meaning Toni couldn’t interpret, ‘can’t Gabri give us a lift back? Do you have to go to the hotel later?’
‘Mum, we don’t need Gabri’s help?—’
‘Maybe not, but that would make sense, wouldn’t it? He is your friend, isn’t he?’
His throat bobbed. ‘I’m happy to drive them?—’
‘No!’ Toni insisted. ‘Mum, if you want information, you’ll need to ask me. Leave him alone.’
‘If I had any faith that you’d tell me, I would!’
‘Toni.’ The sound of her name in his voicestillsent a shiver down her spine. ‘Can I speak to you for a second?’ He gestured in the direction of his back room.
‘We’ll just head back to the rock pool,’ Daphne declared tightly. ‘You have your talk and then give me a call, okay?’
She hated to see her mum leading a confused Cillian out of the workshop, but she breathed again as soon as they were gone. Rubbing her hands over her eyes, she said, ‘I know, I fucked this up. We just had a fling and it was supposed to be so simple and nobody gets hurt, but now I’m treating you like crap.’
‘Toni.’ His tone was more urgent this time and he had the nerve to slip an arm around her waist to soothe her – which worked, damn it!
‘You didn’t want any of this shit. You don’t want my life, but I’ve crashed yours. You don’t owe my mother any explanations. I’ll tell her it was all my idea and she just needs to forget about it.’
‘You don’t owe her any explanations either,’ he said, not quite stifling his exasperation at her.
That statement made her laugh. ‘I’m just supposed to brazen it out, let her think what she likes? You know what? I think the stuff you tell yourself sometimes is a load of shit. You didn’t run away from your responsibilities. You ran away from all thepeople who cared about you. You’regreatwith responsibility. Not so much boundaries, but that’s a different thing. You just don’t like to share responsibilities. That’s the reason parenting seemed like too big of an ask. You don’t trust anyone but yourself.’
His chest rose and fell for a silent moment while Toni inwardly winced. She shouldn’t take all of this out on him, but her valve had burst and it was all flowing out. He’d go running in the opposite direction in a moment – which was probably for the best.
But what he said took the wind out of her. ‘We’re a matched pair, then, since you hide behind yours.’ The hint of bitterness in his tone found a home somewhere deep inside her.
‘I didn’t hide last week.’
