Jem flipped open the notebook.
“I didn’t lie,” Mckell said breathily.“Itisspiritual coaching.”She seemed to struggle for a moment before saying, “A lot of people who lose their faith struggle with same-sex attraction.”
Tean’s bushy brows drew together, and he opened his mouth, but this time Jem managed to beat him to the punch.“Is that why you’re here?”
“What?No.Oh my gosh.No, Dean—my husband—” She cut off.Her hand gave one jumpy stroke to her hair.“We’re not the only ones.Tafton and Nora are married too.”Her gesture took in the man with the dishwater-blond hair and the woman with Utah curls.
“The other men are single?”Tean asked.
Mckell shrugged.“They’re not married.I don’t know if they’re dating anyone; we don’t talk about that stuff.”
“What do you talk about?”
“Temptation.Why we’re tempted.How to deal with temptation.How to build spiritual power.How to follow Christ.”
“By being straight,” Tean said.
“By following the commandments,” Mckell said.
“What about—” Jem began.
“It doesn’t bother you that decades’ worth of psychological research has proven that not only does conversion therapy not work,” Tean said, “but it’s incredibly harmful to the people who undergo it?”
“But it’s not like that,” Mckell said.“This is about being changed by the Holy Ghost.It’s about kindness and patience and long-suffering love.The way Jesus would treat these people.”
“These people,” Tean said.
“Okay,” Jem said, putting a hand on Tean’s knee.“We’re getting off track.”
Mckell’s eyes followed the touch, and she said, “Oh.”
“Yeah,” Tean said.
“Let me guess,” Mckell said.“You were raised LDS, weren’t you?”
“Yes, I was.”
“And you’re carrying a lot of anger about it?”
“I’m angry that anyone would teach children to hate themselves because they’re different.”
“I’m so sorry that happened to you,” Mckell said.“That’s not what the church teaches at all.”
“As a matter of fact, it is.”
“And you’re not active anymore, are you?”Mckell asked, as though he hadn’t spoken.
Tean’s voice was even more brittle now.“Obviously.And I’m much happier for it.”
“Well, that’s good, then.I’m happy for you too.”
“What I wanted to ask—” Jem began.
“You’re happy for me, but you think I’m going to hell,” Tean said.
“Oh my gosh, no.You know we don’t believe in hell.If this is what makes you happy, then that’s good.Some people, though, want to follow the commandments.And yes, those people will receive a higher degree of glory for their faithfulness.”
Jem had been dragged to Mormon churches on and off throughout his childhood, and he knew enough to recognizedegree of gloryas a way of talking about the different options Mormons had for heaven—like flying first class versus economy.But he still felt like he was skating on the surface of a deeper conversation Tean and Mckell were having.
