“God, he’s going to be so pissed when we get home.”
“He’ll be fine.He loves Hannah.”
“Totally.And he loves sleepovers.But you know he holds a grudge.He’s going to give me the cold shoulder for, like, a week.”
Tean decided to let that pass without comment.
Jem flopped onto the bed.“I’m sorry we’re stuck here.”
“Jem, it’s not your fault.”
“It is, kind of.I mean, we wouldn’t be here if I hadn’t said yes to that batshit invitation.”
“It wasn’t a batshit invitation.Your mom said she wanted to build a relationship with you.Of course you said yes.”
Jem made a face, but he didn’t say anything.He stared up at the ceiling.Tension tightened the skin around his eyes.
Tean made his way to the bed.He sat.He squeezed Jem’s ankle, and in what he hoped was an upbeat voice, he said, “Let’s think of it as a mini vacation.This is fun.We’re in this beautiful lodge.There’s snow.We never take trips.”
“It’s expensive,” Jem said.
“But let’s not worry about that.We’re here.We had to pay for the room.So, let’s enjoy it.”
“Nope,” Jem said.“I can’t.Nothing will possibly make me enjoy this.Everything sucks.It’s all the worst.And I’m going to worry and frown and scream into a pillow until the roads are clear and we can leave.”
“We can order room service.”
Jem raised his head from the mattress.“And I want to bang.”He held up two fingers.“Twice.”
Laughing, Tean got to his feet and said, “We’ll see.”
He made his way over to the bag of toiletries they’d acquired—some of them provided by the lodge, and others they’d picked up in the small convenience store.Jem had been horrified by the price of the deodorant, in particular.He’d talked about it all the way from the convenience store to their room, interspersed with commentary on how easy it would have been, quote,just to take it, and how it should have been free considering what they’d paid for their room, and how he could go back right now and pick one up to prove that he could.Bag in hand, Tean headed for the bathroom and started to get ready for bed.
It was a nice bathroom—sandy tile, a marble countertop, a big mirror and an even bigger walk-in shower.This was in keeping with the rest of the room, with its fieldstone fireplace and ocean-sized leather sofa and wood accents that were supposed to look rustic and reclaimed.Not that there was anything rustic about having your own wine cooler next to the microwave.All more or less what Tean would have expected, considering the price.Jem hadn’t been wrong; itwasexpensive.
But Jem had already had such a terrible night, and anyway, what were they going to do otherwise?Sleep in the lobby?There was no point dwelling on it; they might as well try to have fun.
Which was, Tean reflected, not something he’d ever expected to hear himself think.
He was mid-brush when Jem appeared in the bathroom doorway, leaning against the jamb.He’d taken off the button-up and the chinos, and now he stood there in an undershirt and boxers printed with—what else?—a black Lab pattern.These black Labs wore Santa hats.“It’s a business,” Jem said and held out his phone.
Tean made an inquiring noise and then wiggled the end of the toothbrush as a reminder.
“Gerald’s spiritual coaching.Look at their website: Fitzpatrick Spiritual Coaching.He doesn’t talk about turning people straight; it’s all ‘draw closer to the Lord’ and ‘discover the obstacles you’ve put in your own way.’Holy shit smackers!People pay three hundred dollars a month for this stuff?”
Tean spat, pointed the toothbrush at Jem, and said, “No.”
“Hey!”Jem laughed.“But that’s crazy, right?How many people are going to pay three hundred dollars a month for spiritual coaching?”
“How many people pay more than that for golf lessons?”Tean asked as he rinsed his toothbrush.“Or tennis?Or sales seminars?”
“Okay, you seriously never thought you should tell me that sales seminars are a thing?”
Tean gave him a look in the mirror, and Jem broke into a big grin as he went back to his phone.
“He’s got a waiting list, Tean.He has more people who want his help than he has space for.Are you shitting me?You have to pay a five-hundred-dollar deposit to go on the waiting list.”
As the water warmed up, Tean said, “There are a lot of Mormons who would pay a lot of money not to be gay.”
