“He’s happy.”
“I know.I’m glad.But this isn’t— We haven’t eventalkedabout anything.I don’t know what I’m supposed to say, and I don’t want him to ask me any questions.”
“He’s going to ask you about topping,” Jem said.“Like, one hundred percent.”
“Oh my gosh,” Tean whispered.He rubbed his eyes.Scipio was barking excitedly again, and in spite of himself, Tean smiled.Dropping his hands, he said, “He could play with any dog.He could hang out with friends back in South Jordan and play Xbox.”
Jem rubbed Tean’s knee, and the friction made a soft sound.When Jem spoke, he said, “He feels like he doesn’t have any friends.Not after coming out.Not after those men took him, and his whole life turned upside down.Tean, he knows you.He trusts you.You’re the only gay adult he knows besides his dad, and he’s smart enough not to trust Ammon with this part of his life.For God’s sake, if that’s not enough, you rescued him from those lunatics.At some point, he might want to ask you questions.But he might not.He might just want to be around someone he feels safe with.That’s what kids need, you know?One adult they can trust.Someone who believes in them.”
Fetch had turned into tug-of-war, with Scipio holding on to a ball and Daniel trying to pull it out of his mouth.
“You’re so good with him,” Tean finally said.“You’re so good with kids in general.”
“Uh, remember the last time I helped you babysit?”
A real laugh—full-bodied, deep—burst out of Tean.
“Okay,” Jem said sourly, “it’s notthatfunny.”
“I’m sorry,” Tean said.But a smile that was almost a grin lingered.“You were so good with Maeve and Milo.”
“Yeah, well, they’re almost as crazy as I am, so that was easy.”
“They love you.”
Jem shrugged.
In the distance, the sky was turning pink, and the shadows were running across the yard.
“I love them,” he said, and his voice was thick.“God, I don’t even know them, but they’re good kids, and they deserve better.”
“We’ve never talked about having children, have we?”And when Jem didn’t say anything, Tean asked, “Is that something you’d want?”
“I don’t know.I’m not really dad material.”
“Jem, there is literally no one I know who would be a better dad.”
A pained smile tugged at the corner of Jem’s mouth.His hand moved restlessly over Tean’s knee.“The world is so messed up.I don’t know if I want to bring a kid into this.”
“The world is always messed up,” Tean said quietly.“And there are kids who are already here.”
Daniel had gotten down on his knees and was wrestling with Scipio.The Lab’s tail was wagging so hard and fast that Tean suspected—if Daniel wasn’t careful—they’d have to deal with another life-threatening case of tail-eye before the evening was over.
“Maybe,” Jem said.His voice had that constricted quality again.“I hadn’t thought about that.About kids who need help.”
“You don’t have to make a decision now.I was just wondering.”
“I think I’d like that.It’d be good, you know?Maybe then it’d be like something good came out of, you know, everything.”
Tean nodded.And he tried not to hear the nightmares behindeverything.He didn’t even mean to ask, but he opened his mouth, and the question fell out.“Are you okay?”
This time, Jem’s grin was bright and full, but it only lasted a moment.“Yeah.I’m okay.”But his hand slowed on Tean’s knee, and the whisper of his palm against the denim quieted.“I never knew her.That’s what I figured out.I was a kid when they took me away, and it’s not like I had conversations with her, it’s not like I had this deep insight into who she was as a person.She was just my mom.But I didn’t know her, not really.”
“I think that’s part of growing up,” Tean said.“Discovering that your parents are people too, and that they’re not who you thought they were.”
Jem nodded, but his gaze stayed fixed on the yard.“I wanted her to want me.That’s the other thing I figured out.Even more than I wanted a mom, I just wanted her to want me.How messed up is that?”
“It’s not messed up.”
