He didn’t wait.He walked away, and he heard her follow: the door opening, then closing, and then the snow crunching under her steps.
When they were far enough from the Denali, he set himself to face her.
“Jer—” She cut herself off.Her smile was picture-perfect: sad, hurt, confused.“Jem, you don’t understand, it was all—”
He shook his head.
She stopped.
“We’re past that,” Jem said.“Got it?”
A truck whipped past on the outer road, slush spraying up from its tires.
“Where is he?”Jem asked.
She turned her face in profile and tucked some of her hair behind one ear.“I don’t know.”
“Tell him to stay away from me.”
“You don’t have to worry about that.He won’t bother you.”
Jem didn’t say anything to that.
Her eyes came back to him, searching his face.“What did you tell them?”
“You mean, did I tell them that you and your son—my half-brother—were scamming those people out of a lot of money, and Gerald didn’t know about it?”
Her breath came in white streams.Jem thought he could feel the tightness in her chest.
“No,” he said.“It doesn’t matter.Maybe it’ll come out in the investigation.Maybe it won’t.”
“Thank you,” she whispered.She reached out like she might put her hand on his arm, and Jem angled his body away from her.She swallowed.“Jem, thank you so much.”
“Don’t thank me.I didn’t do it for you.I did it so that Maeve and Milo would have a mom.”
“I know you don’t believe me, but Iamsorry.I didn’t want it to be like this.I meant what I told you, Jer—Jem.I want us to be a family.”
The laugh came out of nowhere.Out of some hollow place.He scratched his beard.Above the Denali, the snow-covered peaks of the mountain were the same coarse gray as the sky.
“I ruined everything, I understand that.And I realize this isn’t the time or the place.But I want you to know that if I can help you, I will.Gerald had old-fashioned ideas about giving money—”
“Oh my God,” Jem said.He made himself face her again.“I don’t want your money.I don’t want your help.For a long time, I wanted you to say sorry, or to explain, or to—” He laughed again.“I wanted you to want me, I guess.But that’s over now.We’re done with that.I don’t want you in my life.Get it?Idon’t wantyou.That’s my choice.Because now it’s my time to choose.”
Color crept into her cheeks.The lines around her mouth and eyes stretched until they were ready to snap, and the anger she was trying to hide showed in the set of her shoulders.
“And,” Jem said in a low voice, “if it weren’t for those two in there, you and I would be done.So, here’s the deal.I get to see them whenever I want.I get to be part of their lives.And I’m going toallowyou to be part of it too because it’s important to them.So, you’re going to take care of them.You’re going to make sure they’re happy and healthy and have a roof over their heads.You’re going to make sure they grow up right.And I’m going to be here to make sure you don’t fuck it up.”
“Or else what?You’ll tell the police?”
It was like seeing her for the first time—like his vision sharpened, and she came into focus, and he saw the foundation and the lipstick and the gray growing in at the roots, and he could see across all the years.All that time, and he’d never known her.Not really.Maybe that was something that you could only do as an adult.
“That’s the problem with you,” he said.“There shouldn’t need to be an ‘or else.’”
42
Tean stood at their front window.
The snow was gone; only a little had fallen in the valley, and the last few days had warmed enough to clear the lawns and sidewalks.Across the street, Mr.Christiansen was hanging Christmas lights.And at the curb, a silver Chevy Impala idled.
