“I just wanted to make sure you knew that bargaining with them to eat a nacho-cheese pretzel so that they can eat more candy is problematic at best.”
“Tean, babe.”
“Like when you got Scipio all those chicken nuggets, and then you said that the Filet o’ Fish was going to be the topper—”
“The briefcase?”
To judge by the look on Tean’s face, it was surprisingly difficult to pull himself away from that topic.But he settled on the floor next to Jem, and he accepted the papers as Jem passed them to him from the briefcase.
“A talk from General Conference—that’s a semiannual meeting that the church holds, with the leaders giving messages.”Tean set aside documents.“These articles—” He paused to scan them briefly.“—are about conversion therapy, although they don’t call it that.They look like pseudoscience—I wonder if this is even a real journal.And these—” Another pause.“—look like blog posts about ‘the perils of same-sex parenting.’”
While Tean was talking, Jem continued to investigate the briefcase.The first set of documents had been the ones in the central compartment.Now, as Jem checked pockets and flaps, he came across another sheaf of papers.He glanced at them long enough to see that they were screenshots of an app before handing them to Tean.
“These are from Prowler,” Tean said.
At the mention of the dating app, Jem said, “Oh shiz.Are there any dick pics?”
“Uh—”
Jem grabbed the page.“Four and a half.”
“That’s got to be more than four and a half inches.”Tean seemed to realize a moment later what he’d said, and color rushed into his face.He even put a hand over his mouth.
“No, it’s a four and a half.Out of ten.See how it’s all veiny, but not in a good way?More of a ‘what’s wrong with it’ way.And it’s skinny at the top and then wide at the bottom.Looks kind of like a slug.You know what?Four.I’m knocking off half a point.”
“Oh my gosh,” Tean whispered.He was also covering his eyes by this point.
“Why does Gerald have pictures of a truly subpar dick in his briefcase?”
“Jem,” Tean said.“Children.”
Lowering his voice, Jem said, “Do you think he had a slug-dick fetish?”
“No, I don’t.And before you tell me—”
“It’s a thing.Like chodes.”
Tean was silent for an extended moment.
“They make these silicone dongs, but, like monsters and aliens and one that’s supposed to be Sasquatch, but if you think he’s an inch under two feet—”
“Jeremiah!”
“Uh, what were we talking about?”
Still covering his eyes, Tean reached out and turned over the page with the dick pic.
“You know what a real detective would ask?”Jem said.“Whose dick is it?Maybe this is the killer’s dick.”
Tean lowered his hand.He stared at Jem with that judgy look that never stopped being a little terrifying.Then he said, “Let’s read the messages.”
They weren’t anything original—definitely nothing that Jem hadn’t seen before.They were a conversation between hornyforheaven99 and suck4suck, and they started with a classic opening:pics?A dick pic followed from suck4suck, and then he sent another, this one of a White man’s chest and crotch as he fondled himself.
hornyforheaven99 responded:nice
And then:can u host
suck4suck:no sorry my fam
