“That should be a baseline, not a new world record.And who are you competing against?And why?And—”
“Number two, no dick.And you promised me a double-bang holiday.”
“I remember saying, ‘We’ll see’—”
“And number three, you won’t let me FaceTime Scipio, even though you know he misses me.”
“Taking into account the fact that we haven’t had cell service for almost two days and the fact that Scipio is a dog and the fact that between his eyesight and his brain, he would have no idea what was happening with a FaceTime—”
“Oh my God, stop!He’d hear my voice!Why are you being so mean today?”
“How am I being mean?”
“You know what?I might be changing my mind.I don’t know if I even want this to be a two-bang holiday.”
“Thank goodness,” Tean half-whispered.
“I thought you were supposed to be sex positive!”
“Well, I’m trying, but you’re yelling at me a lot.”
Jem considered Tean, eyes sweeping up and down, until Tean started to blush.It didn’t take long.
“God, you’re lucky you’re so sexy.”
“I’m actually not sexy,” Tean said.“As a matter of fact—”
“Come on.Let’s find Stephen.And murder him.Kidding!”
Tean started to reach for his glasses but caught himself.He didn’t sigh—not exactly.But he did sound tired when he said, “You can see how that might worry me, though, right?”
29
Room 365 was at the end of a hallway near a set of fire stairs.It was a good spot, one Jem might have picked for himself if he’d been staying at the lodge—and if he was a shady piece of shit.He didn’t even bother trying the door.Vaughan had already made sure the room was unoccupied after deactivating Stephen’s key.
“How are we going to get in?”Tean whispered.
“You don’t have to whisper,” Jem said.He stood there a moment, thinking.
A door behind them opened, and shouts carried out into the hall, followed a moment later by a pair of teenage boys.They were talking over each other, showing each other something on their phones, one of them hitching up his joggers with a free hand, the other one with his laces untied.They didn’t even glance at Jem and Tean.As their voices faded, a faint squeaking sound reached Jem.Then a rapid knock.And then the sound of a door opening.
“Got it,” Jem said.“Here we go.”
It took him a few minutes to find the little room with the ice machine and a pair of vending machines.It had a door—which was a bonus—and inside, it was too warm, and loud with the hum of the compressors.After the door swung shut behind them, Jem said, “Let me see your hand.”
Tean automatically put his hand behind his back.“Why?”
“Babe, you’re supposed to trust me.”
“It’s hard to trust you after you spat in my hand.”
“That was one time!And it was a cool trick!”
“It wasn’t a trick.It was a prank, and you learned it fromThe Simpsons.”
One of the problems, Jem decided, of having a super-smart boyfriend was that he did, apparently, remember everything.
“I won’t spit in your hand,” he said.
