“No,” Dean said, and his tone was half warning and half challenge.“Nothing.I told him nothing was wrong.He was sure I wasn’t telling him something, so he kept asking.That’s why it took me so long.”
But his eyes went back to Mckell.
“There you go,” Mckell said.
“Huh,” Jem said.
Mckell’s cheeks reddened, but she wouldn’t look at him.
“What?”Quinn asked.
“You guys notice that?It smells like bullshit all of a sudden.”Jem leaned forward, elbows on knees.“Why’d you two start acting like you’ve got ants in your pants?”
“Nothing,” Mckell said.
“It doesn’t have anything to do with this,” Dean said.
“Dean!”
“So,” Jem said, “thereissomething.”
Dean opened his mouth, but before he could say anything, Mckell said, “We’re getting divorced.”
Dean shut his mouth.He blinked rapidly, eyes downcast.After a moment, he wiped his cheek.
“Are you happy?”Mckell asked.“That’s what we didn’t want to tell you.Does that help with your murder investigation?”
Jem didn’t say anything.He was still leaning forward in his seat, still watching her.
“Dude,” Quinn said.“I’m sorry.”
Dean shook his head.
“Did you tell Gerald you were getting divorced?”Tean asked.
Dean shook his head again.“I was waiting.”He didn’t have to say, Just in case.
“He didn’t talk to you about anything else?”Tean asked.“Did he say anything unusual?Did he act differently?”
“I told you,” Dean mumbled.But his voice grew louder as he spoke.“It’s always the same.‘What happened?What did you do?I can tell you don’t have the Spirit with you today.What thoughts have you had that are driving the Spirit away?’”He chafed his arms like he was cold, and he brought his head up, his gaze focused on some spot across the room.“It’s so messed up.Why don’t any of us realize how messed up it is?”
No one said anything.
“It’s not messed up,” Beckett said.He was leaning against Quinn now.“It’s fucked up.It’s massively, epically fucked up.”
“And we all go along with it,” Quinn said softly.
“It’s like—like a pressure cooker.”Beckett’s voice was hard, but his eyes were wet.“All the time we spend together.The praying.The fasting.Telling each other everything we’ve done wrong, and feeling like we have to say something because if we don’t, that’s even worse somehow.This whole fucking thing with accountability partners.I’m a grown man, and I’m supposed to share a room with somebody, eat meals with somebody, tell them when I’m going to pee, so that I don’t get five fucking minutes to myself when I might jack off.God, the whole thing is fucking psycho.What the fuck is wrong with us?”
Tears ran down Dean’s cheeks; he was shaking his head, his gaze still fixed on nothing.Mckell was watching him, like she wanted to catch his eye, but he wouldn’t look at her.
“Beckett and I are hooking up,” Quinn said.
It was like everyone in the room took a breath at the same time.
Then Sawyer laughed.“What?”
“We’re fucking,” Beckett said.“We’ve been fucking since the first time we roomed together.”
