Lord love this woman. Even after everything my ex pulled today, she still wants to make sure everyone else is all right.
I drop onto the couch beside her, giving her thigh a gentle squeeze. “Deirdre’s still a pain in the ass, but Theo’s fine.”
Her mouth trembles, as she sees right through the reassurance I’m trying to sell. “It’s not going to be okay, is it?”
I rake a hand through my hair, hating our next conversation. I pluck the wineglass from her hand and grasp her fingers. “Look, this is bullshit, right? I know it and you know it, but I’m going to let Deirdre calm down. Let her think she won this round.”
Her fingers twitch in mine. “What does that mean?”
God, I hate this so fucking much.
“It means,” I force the words out even though they taste like ash, “we need to put some distance between you and Theo for a couple of weeks.”
Well, this is how a heart breaks.
Kiki’s face crumples. She snatches her hands from mine and folds in on herself, burying her face behind both palms as her shoulders shake with silent sobs.
“Hey, hey.” I move in close, rubbing my hands up and down her arms. “Kiki, come on. It’s going to be okay.”
“It’s not.” Her voice breaks from behind her hands. “I destroy everything I touch.”
My God, my poor woman.
I pull her hands from her face and grasp her chin, forcing her to meet my gaze. “Hey, look at me.”
Her eyes lift to mine, wrecked and full of tears.
“You make everything better. Warmer. Softer. More beautiful.”
But my words don’t stand a chance of landing. Not when she’s hurting this badly.
“I don’t, though. Look at what happened tonight with Deirdre. I ruin everything.” Tears stream down her cheeks, but she makes no move to wipe them away. “I’m so tired, Eddie. It would be easier if I didn’t exist at all.”
Fucking hell.
Trust me, I’ve worried about the stress on Kiki’s psyche. The constant barrage of insults. The undeserved loneliness that’s set up a permanent base camp in her soul.
But this is the first time she’s uttered the words, and they scare the shit out of me.
I pull her to me, desperate to soothe the pain. “Never say that again, okay? I need you. Don’t you get that? I need you, Kiki.”
She shakes her head. “You don’t. Don’t worry, I’m not going to hurt myself. I’m too chicken shit for that.”
I stroke the hair from her face. “Thank God, because I don’t know what I’d do without you.”
Kiki sniffles, wiping her tears. “Have an easier life? A better life? Honestly, I don’t even know why you’re with me.”
Because I love you.
And Jesus Christ, there it is. The words I haven’t said yet because I wanted the right moment, the right setting, the right everything.
Not with her crying on my couch and my whole life feeling like it got knocked sideways in the last two hours.
But hell, Deirdre already knows. Ash and Ori know. Maybe the woman I’m in love with ought to know, too.
Timing might suck, but the feeling doesn’t, and that has to count for something, right?
I brush my thumbs over her wet cheeks. “If I tell you I’m falling in love with you, is that going to help or hurt my cause?”
