I release her hand and swallow down some beer, searching for my center. So much for playtime. “Why do you want to know about my ex?”
“Because I want to know about you and she’s part of your world. Look, you’re hands down the best dad I’ve ever seen. Absolutely incredible with Theo, and he’s the sweetest kid I’ve ever met, so I know Deirdre must be pretty great, too.”
I set my fork down and lean back in my chair, not entirely sure why Kiki wants to know about Deirdre. And let’s be real—I don’t want to spend the night talking about my ex when there are a million other things I’d rather be focused on, namely the woman sitting across from me.
Apparently my emotions play out across my face as Kiki lifts a hand in surrender. “Give me the basics, and then you can pick the topics for the rest of the night. Anything you like.”
Well,that’sgot my attention.
I lean forward, bracing my forearms on the table. “Really? Anything I want?”
“Yep.” She smirks, lifting her wine to her lips. “Anything you want to know. Consider it your all-access pass.”
Jesus. That feels like an opening—an unexpected one I’m not entirely sure what to do with, so I grab another bite of food, buying myself a few seconds.
“Deirdre’s a great woman, but…” I trail off, already knowing this is going to sound wrong no matter how I spin it. “We weren’t dating. We were… hookup buddies.”
Kiki waves a fork at me, a knowing grin on her lips. “Ah yes. Good old friends with benefits.”
“Yeah,” I say with a shrug. “We met in college and got along really well. Had the same interests in sports, movies, that sort of thing. One night we got a little too drunk, and the line blurred.”
“Is that when she got pregnant?”
“Hell no.” I hold up a hand to slow her roll. “We are not diving into the timeline of my sex life with Deirdre.”
She covers her mouth with her hand, but not before the most endearing snort emerges. “Trust me, I don’t want a play by play. Just didn’t know if it was a one time thing.”
I pull her hand from her mouth. “You snorted. You know that, right?”
Her cheeks redden. “Kind of hoped you might miss that.”
“Not a chance.”
“Keep going.”
“Really?” I groan and finish off my beer. “Fine, here’s the abridged version.”
I dive into the story of Deirdre and me. How we kept our hookups casual, how we were happy like that, until the day she announced she was pregnant. How we tried to do the “right” thing but the marriage and white picket fence scenario was never a good fit for us. How after a few years, we realized it never would be, but that I never, not once, regretted a second of it because Theo will always be the greatest thing in my world.
And the whole time, Kiki listens. Truly and fully listens. She doesn’t interrupt or jump in with her opinion.
Trust me, that throws me. Between demanding clients and my years with Deirdre, I’m used to being talked over, half listened to, rushed to make my point.
Kiki doesn’t do that. She lets me think. Lets me finish. And somehow I travel deeper into the story of my past than I ever meant to, or ever have before.
God, that’s different.
“We realized that staying together meant both of us giving up the chance at something more. Something deeper.” I suck in a deep breath and say aloud the one thing I’ve refused to admit to anyone since the divorce. “I will always love Deirdre, but I was never in love with her. Honestly, I’ve never been in love. On that note, I need another beer.”
I grab a bottle from the fridge and turn to face her, wondering if I’ve said too much.
Too late now, I guess.
“I’m done being in the hot seat. It’s your turn. Tell me about…”
You idiot. Never ask about him. What’s wrong with you?
I grimace. “Sorry. I didn’t mean?—”
