“I’d pursue you with reckless abandon until you caved and agreed to spend forever with me. Tons of sex. Cuddling non-negotiable. Happiness until the end of our days.” I bite my lip and shrug. “Standard stuff, really.”
A faint smile touches his mouth as he brushes his hand lightly along my jaw, but he says nothing.
Doesn’t tell me this could be our future. Doesn’t intimate we have one.
And that’s when it hits me.
A life with Eddie isn’t my reality, and it likely never will be. For a second, I recall my jealousy from months ago, when Eddie and I were just friends, and I knew one day a perfect woman would come along and snatch him from me forever.
For a brief moment in time, that woman was me, but now…
My gaze drops as I pick at the pills on the blanket. The fire still crackles between us, but it doesn’t chase the chill from my chest.
“I know it’s just a dream,” I whisper. “I know that’s not my life, but I still cling to the hope, even as it fades a little more each day. But I know one thing for certain.”
“What’s that?”
I lean over, pressing a soft kiss to his mouth. “I love you. I’m absolutely totally in love with you.”
His eyes shine, bright with unshed tears. “I never thought I’d hear you say that, which makes what I’m about to say that much harder.”
Heart, I can’t handle anymore today.
“Look, I get it, Eddie.” The words trip over each other in my rush to expel them. “I know the damage. I understand, but I needed you to know?—”
“You should go to LA.”
Did I hear him correctly? After all that, baring the entirety of my heart and soul, he not only doesn’t want a future, but he wants me thousands of miles from him?
“What?”
Eddie slams the last of his whiskey, a muscle jumping in his jaw. “Kiki, your life has been hell. Nolan’s right. You need to start over where you can thrive.”
“But—”
“What if I hadn’t gotten to you tonight?” he goes on. “I feel like there are wolves everywhere, and I don’t know if I can protect you.”
“I don’t want you to protect me,” I whisper. “I just want you to love me.”
“Trust me, I do love you, and that’s exactly why I’m telling you to go. But tonight you’re mine.” His lips crush against me, and for a moment, my troubles fade into oblivion.
Will I let him make love to me, even though it’s likely the last time?
Absolutely. I’ll need that memory to survive the foreseeable future.
But that’s not on Eddie’s agenda. He scoops me into his arms and carries me to the futon, pulling me against his chest. “Go to sleep.”
“That’s your big plan for tonight?”
“Yep, because you haven’t slept in forever.” He glides a gentle hand along my back, easing away the tension.
“Maybe I’ll just close my eyes for a second.”
Eddie presses soft kisses to my head. “I’m so sorry, Kiki. For every night you were alone. For every morning you woke up scared. For not seeing it. For not being there.”
My throat tightens, but I don’t answer him. I don’t think I can.
His arms tighten around me like a cocoon. “But I’m here now.”
