JAKE
It all seemed surreal.
Like the events of the last couple of hours hadn’t actually happened.
I fucking wished they hadn’t. Wished it with every fibre of my being.
My dad had left with Xen. I might’ve been worried about him if I wasn’t still in shock from the sharp turn my life had taken.
And if I wasn’t so angry at him.
Max sat rigid as stone in the passenger seat, facing away from me. We hadn’t spoken since we’d left the bar, but we didn’t need to. Scent never lied, and the car was full of the mix of emotions pouring off the both of us.
The tension was stifling, and my hands tightened around the steering wheel, struggling not to react, but it built and built until I couldn’t take it any longer. “I didn’t have a choice,” I gritted out.
Max’s heavy sigh made his whole body sag. “I know.”
“Then why are you acting like I made thewrongchoice?” I hissed, voice rising despite my efforts to remain calm.
Max’s hand curled into a fist on his thigh, tension cording his arm until the veins stood out. “I only just got to touch you, to kiss you, to feel—” He cut off abruptly, the tang of blood scenting the air. When he unclenched his fingers, I saw the smear of blood on his palm and the telltale claw marks before they faded. “And now it’s all gone.”
Hearing it again hurt as much as it had the first time.
Like he’d taken a knife to my heart.
A few hours ago I’d walked away from him, believing we had all the time in the world to explore the growing feelings between us. To find out if we were better off as friends or if we could be more.
More.
Always more.
I forced those thoughts away because they weren’t helpful, and they didn’t fucking matter any more.
Xen’s words rang loud and clear in my head.Whatever’s going on between the two of you ends tonight. You can’t fuck him or anyone else. Any physical interactions will be limited to what is acceptable between members of our pack.The alpha power in those words so thick and heavy I felt the weight of them even now.
Bitterness filled me because we hadn’t even got to do that. And now we never would because I was set to marry a stranger in exchange for my dad’s life.
Guilt chased away the bitterness because on the face of it that seemed like a small price to pay for keeping my dad alive. But…
I glanced at Max out of the corner of my eye, the happiness that usually radiated from him nowhere to be seen. Reaching for his hand came naturally, like breathing, but I stopped halfway, unsure.
Could I even do that now?
Xen said we had to stop what we were doing, that our only physical interaction could be as pack mates. But what did that mean exactly? Could we still touch at all?
Would my touch be welcome if we could? By the tense set of Max’s jaw and the way he still refused to look at me, for the first time in our friendship I wasn’t sure.
His intuition had always been better than mine, reading people was his thing, it was what made him an exceptional detective. So I wasn’t all that surprised when his hand shot out, fingers wrapping around mine as he pulled my hand onto his knee.
“I’m sorry,” he murmured. His thumb stroked the back of my knuckles, but he still wouldn’t look at me. “I know none of this is your fault. And if me marrying someone could’ve saved my parents, then I’d have done it in a heartbeat.” His sigh was full of defeat, and I hated it. “I just wish we’d got the chance to see what we could be together.”
Amazing. That’s what we would’ve been.
“Me too.” I took my hand back to steer the car into our driveway.
Neither of us moved, even after I’d parked and turned off the engine. We’d lived in this house for the past two years, and not once had it felt anything less than welcoming. But sitting here with Max, knowing that we’d be living in such close proximity but not be able to touch him like I wanted, to crawl into his bed and do all the things I’d dreamt about… going inside was the last thing I felt like doing.
After a silence that seemed to last forever, Max sighed and reached for my hand again. “We can do this, J.” Tugging on my fingers until I turned to face him, he smiled. It didn’t reach his eyes, but I returned it as best I could. “It’s not ideal—”
