I swallowed past the sudden lump in my throat, eyes drawn to the window, even though it was dark outside. My heart gave a traitorous little stutter, knowing he was out there somewhere.
No longer hungry, I flicked the kettle on.
“I’m going to make a hot chocolate and drink it outside. It’s a nice, clear night. Would you like one to take to bed with you?”
She snorted. “I would love one, but I’ll drink it down here. Where I can keep an eye on you. I won’t listen,” she added quickly.
I didn’t bother pretending not to know what she was talking about. “Okay.”
Drinks made, I grabbed a blanket and slipped out the French doors. It was cool out, cooler than I’d expected, and I shivered as I took a seat on one of the chairs, wrapping the thick blanket around me.
The night was clear, but I only gave the stars a cursory glance because they weren’t the reason I was out here. “Talis?” I spoke to the trees that bordered my back garden. “I know you’re out there.”
I didn’t know if he was close enough to hear me. I could be talking to myself for all I knew, but maybe it didn’t matter.
“You were right,” I said, rubbing the edge of my mug, and wondering for the hundredth time if I really wanted to do this. “I’ve treated you differently to everyone else I’ve been with, and I’m sorry about that.” I set the mug on the table and pulled the blanket tighter around me. “And if I’m honest with myself, I don’t think it was because of how you feel about me.” I winced. “Well,felt. Pretty sure you hate me right about now.”
I caught movement out of the corner of my eye and glanced up to find I was being watched. The silvery-grey wolf stood just outside the tree line, watching. Listening.
Talis.
My breath caught. Deep down, I hadn’t expected him to appear, to acknowledge me, and now that he was openly listening, I faltered. Lack of confidence wasn’t normally something I suffered from, but Talis affected me in ways no one else did. Even though I was loath to admit it to myself, let alone anyone else. But if we were ever going to get past this, if we were ever going to claw back the friendship we once had, I needed to do better than I had the last time we’d spoken.
Here goes.I reached for my mug, using it as a focal point, because I couldn’t look at Talis while I said this. “I treated you differently… because youaredifferent. You always have been. And as amazing as our night together was, I should never have taken you up on it because one night is all I can ever offer you, and it ruinedeverything.”
My hands shook a little as the truth of the statement sank in.
I missed him.
Missed laughing with him, missed dropping into the pack house whenever I liked for a coffee and a chat. I missed our thinly veiled flirting too, but I doubted we could ever go back to that.
The soft scratch of claws on paving slabs set my heart racing. When I looked up, Talis stood about a foot in front of me.
“You’re stealthy,” I whispered, and he huffed. “I never even heard you move.”
He stared at me, eyes as green and beautiful as they were in his human form. They looked at me now with far less judgement than I probably deserved. But then his wolf didn’t see things in quite the same light as his human self.
Was I a coward for talking to him in this form?
Probably.
But there was nothing preventing him from shifting back if he wanted. The fact he remained as his wolf said a lot.
“I’m sorry I hurt you.”
He whined, low and pained, before gently butting his nose against my hand.
Setting my mug back on the table, I held out my hands to him, hoping he didn’t decide that maybe he wanted to bite me after all. “If I could take it all back, I would.”
His lip curled, but I kept my hands where they were.
“I know it’s not what you want to hear, but if it meant I could get our friendship back, then I’d do it in a heartbeat.” As much as I wanted that to be true, part of me rebelled.
I closed my eyes, images of that night slipping into my head despite my efforts to block them out.
Talis crowding me back against the wall in my hallway, cradling my jaw with a gentleness I hadn’t expected.
Chlah’al.
