Axel followed me inside and upstairs, taking a seat on my bed while I had the world’s fastest shower and got changed.
He waited until I pulled my T-shirt over my head.
“I hope you know what you’re doing.”
A flippant answer was on the tip of my tongue, but I swallowed it down. I didn’t want to tell him the truth, because I didn’t want to admit it out loud. “No,” I said, sitting down next to him. “I want to say Nick and I are just fucking because it’s hot and convenient, but…” I tipped my head back, staring at the ceiling. “It’s getting out of hand.” When I turned to look at him, his expression was more understanding than I expected. “I want to see him, talk to him,touchhim, all the time. Leaving him this morning physically hurt…here.” I tapped my chest. “I don’t know how this happened.”
Axel laughed.
I scowled at him. “I fail to see the humour.”
“I’m not laughing at the fucking mess you’ve created.”
“Then what?”
“I’m laughing at the fact that you’re confused as to how you got here. You, one of the most competitive people I know. The minute you discovered your magic was the key to releasing Nick’s, you were hooked. I’m surprised you let him come up for air before completely eradicating his punishment mark.”
So was I, to be fair.
The thought had crossed my mind, but what would happen to Nick if the mark disappeared entirely?
When.Whenit disappeared, because as far as I was concerned, it was inevitable. But something else about Axel’s words bothered me. “I’ll admit the fact that my magic did that is… hard to ignore.”
Axel snorted.
I turned and met his gaze. “It’s the most amazing feeling,” I whispered, needing Axel to understand how deeply it affected me. “I can’t describe it and do it justice, but it’s not just that.”
“What do you mean?”
“You were right with everything you said, but…” I bit my lip, and Axel cursed softly. “I’ve never felt this…thisneedto be with someone before. How am I supposed to go home when this investigation ends? How do I leave him here when every part of me wants to explore this thing growing between us?” The thought of it made my heart hurt.
Axel slipped an arm around me and tugged me close. “Even if he wanted to, they won’t let him go through the gateway. Not when they find out about the punishment the witches’ council gave him. And they will find out, Dathal.”
“I know.” I rested my head on his shoulder. “And I can’t stay here. That was made blisteringly clear to me when they sent me through. I have two more years on my guard contract to fulfil.” Two morefaeyears. Who knew how many years that would be here?
“Fuck.” Axel squeezed my shoulder.
“Indeed.” There wasn’t much else to say. My path had been laid out for me before I stepped foot through the gateway, and the members of the high court weren’t known for changing their minds. Not for the likes of me anyway.
I stood, walked over to the wardrobe and pulled my guard uniform out. Axel raised an eyebrow but remained uncharacteristically quiet. He didn’t need to read my mind to know why I’d chosen to put it on.
This was my future.
I needed to accept it and stop myself from getting in any deeper with Nick. For both our sakes.
The supple leather uniform had been my armour for years. A symbol of my place in the guard and the responsibility bestowed on me.
Two weeks ago, I’d been proud to wear it.
Now it felt suffocating to the point I wanted to rip it off and burn it.
Closing my eyes, I took a deep breath in and out, forcing myself to calm down. I repeated it again, then again, until I’d pushed the feelings deep down where they belonged.
“I’m ready.” I rolled my shoulders.
The flash of pity in Axel’s eyes was gone as soon as it appeared, and he nodded. “Come on, then.”
* * *
