Clearly His Grace was tormented to have to talk about this with her. And perhaps in some small way, she felt he deserved that bit of punishment.
“So you did try to get him help.”
His eyes narrowed and his brows knitted together in a frown of disbelief. “Yes, yes, of course. Did you doubt that?”
She wasn’t sure. There was so much uncertainty in her about the duke that she suddenly wanted to weep again. She fought the impulse by biting down on her bottom lip, then closed her eyes and summoned an inner strength.
She didn’t answer his question but asked, “What did Nathan say to you?”
“Not much.”
Louisa understood the duke’s reluctance to revisit that night. He’d given evasive answers to her questions, but she wanted to know more. “How did he convince you to promise him you would marry me when you didn’t want to?”
The duke swept his hat off his head and breathed a heavy sigh. “Damnation, Louisa, don’t make me do this. What he said is not important now.”
“It is to me.” She stepped close to him. “I believe I have a right to know what he said to make you swear an oath.”
“No—no, you don’t.”
She rose up on her toes and raised her voice as she leaned toward him and said, “I do!”
“It was between him and me, and he wouldn’t want you to know. He was in pain and he needed peace. I gave it to him. His last thoughts were of you and your sisters. He wanted like hell to live and to go back to Wayebury so he could take care of you. His dying thoughts were of you and your sisters, and that’s all I’m ever going to tell you about that night. That’s all you need to know.”
In that moment, she saw that he was filled with pain and guilt about that night, even though he’d told her very little about it. It seemed so unfair that life had moved on for her, for her sisters, and for the duke—but not for Nathan. Louisa had an overwhelming feeling of wanting to cry again, and she stiffened. In a busy park, standing with a duke was not the place to cry. She also knew it was time to put Nathan’s death and the events surrounding it behind her, because life did go on.
Louisa looked up at the duke and whispered, “Thank you, you’ve told me enough.”
Chapter 21
The quality of mercy is not strain’d;
It droppeth as the gentle rain from heaven
Upon the place beneath. It is twice blest;
It blesseth him that gives and him that takes.
—The Merchant of Venice,act 4, scene 1
Where was she?
Bray leaned against the back side of one of the massive columns in the ballroom of the Great Hall. It was the perfect place to watch the entrance and avoid the pushy mamas and nosy lords.
The night was growing long, and Bray was restless. He had fulfilled his duty to the ladies along the wall of the dance floor more than two hours ago, and he’d danced with at least half a dozen young ladies throughout the evening. It was almost midnight, and Miss Prim and her sister still hadn’t arrived at the ball.
Bray knew there were several smaller parties happening around Mayfair tonight, but the Great Hall was always the most well attended. He’d assumed that Mrs. Colthrust would have the good sense to let the sisters make an appearance before they quit the night. Now he was beginning to doubt that faith. He should have known he couldn’t trust their chaperone to do what was best for Louisa and Miss Gwen.
No doubt, Mr. Standish had the same thoughts as Bray. The man was already at the Great Hall when Bray arrived, and he hadn’t left either. And, like Bray, the man had done his share of dancing and conversing. Bray was fairly certain Mr. Standish had no genuine interest in Miss Gwen. The blade was just looking for another young lady to enjoy for a time and then discard as he had all the others.
But Bray couldn’t be too hard on the man. He had done the same thing at Standish’s age.
He whispered a curse to himself as his thoughts once again crept back to when he and Louisa were near Rotten Row. She became quiet after they’d discussed the night her brother died. He knew she needed time to ponder what he’d said so he didn’t press her to talk as they’d made their way back to the carriage. Once they picked up her sisters, the girls kept the chatter going about the puppet show all the way back to their house. And the reason for the hasty ride in the park seemed to end up all right, too. He never saw Mr. Standish make an improper move toward Miss Gwen the entire time they had watched them.
That surprised him. Maybe the man wasn’t like him after all.
Bray wondered how Louisa was doing. What was she feeling? He didn’t want her to hate him for what had happened to Prim but it was probably inevitable that she would. Bray had had great respect for her brother. The hell of it was Prim was the only man who had ever made Bray do something he didn’t want to do. Bray had promised to marry Louisa.
When he saw tears collecting in her eyes, he’d felt like the worst kind of blackguard and desperately wanted to hold her. He’d wanted to kiss her brow and run his hands up and down her back, soothing her, but he knew that at that moment, he was the last person she wanted touching her, comforting her.
