Her chin lifted. “And you should know, I’ve never put a wager on anything in my life—I wouldn’t be doing it now if I had any concern about losing.”
“I will take no mercy on you because you are a lady.”
“I would be affronted if you tried.” She took a sip of champagne, looked at him, and smiled. “Oh, my, this tastes so wonderful. Cooling after such heated talk.”
He gave her a twisted grin. “You are a delight when you’re being wicked, Mrs. Feld.”
She took another sip and it went down hard and ended with a heavy breath. “This is madness. I can’t believe I’m going to be spending time with you when I could be doing something to help someone in true need. I have important things to do during the day. Taking jolly rides around the parks with you wasn’t in my schedule.” She stopped. Her gaze froze onto his. “Why did you get me mixed up in this? I was just beginning to get my life—” She bit off the words and ended with an exasperated sigh.
His expression softened, and he leaned toward her in a concerned way. “You were beginning to do what?”
Warmed by his sincere tone, her earlier confidence evaporated in an instant and in its place was the crushing need to be held against his strong chest and comforted. Blacknight was offering her the opportunity to share her heartache with him. And strange as it was, for a moment she wanted nothing more than to do that.
But no. She couldn’t. Ever.
She wasn’t going to pour out her heart to him about how she’d struggled since her husband died. First with the denial, then shock, and later the overwhelming anger that nearly destroyed her. Oh, the anger had been so difficult to deal with. She hadn’t even shared her deepest feelings with Julia and Adeline. It was too horrible for anyone to know.
Brina took a step back from the earl. “Nothing,” she said cautiously, displeased she’d allowed some of her inner struggles to show to the earl. “Nothing at all. Why are you looking at me so intensely?”
“I was making sure you are all right and—”
“And what?” she insisted, keeping her gaze directly on his.
“Thinking I might need a list of words that you believe are swears, curses, and cusses. You know, just so I’m safe. Everyone has their own ideas about words that are acceptable.”
“Oh, yes.” She relaxed and smiled. “I suppose I did get a little carried away with that one. I meant only—”
His brow rose. He wasn’t going to let this pass. “I’m listening.”
“Only the supremely coarse ones.”
“Good.” He gave her a bit of a smile. “That, I’m certain I can manage.”
“Can you?” She sighed and shook her head. “I’ve never been one to wish ill-fortune on anyone, my lord, but so we’re clear, youcan’tbe safe.” Her words were calmly spoken. “I’m not happy about this bargain we have struck. But know this, I don’t believe you can change, and I am committed to remaining a widow. In a way it seems unfair to you to go through with this.”
His determined expression slowly relaxed and his lips formed a half smile. “Maybe I forgot to tell you, I always win.”
The earl caressed her face with his gaze so intently, it was as if he were caressing her skin with his fingers.The air around them seemed to crackle with words that weren’t being said and feelings that weren’t being expressed.
“Not this time,” she asserted, handed him her glass, and walked away.
Chapter 8
As soon as Brina had awakened and remembered the earl was taking her for a ride, she felt a humming of excitement deep in her chest. At the time, she’d immediately put the sensation down to the chill in her room. Later she told herself it was common nerves. When it continued, she realized it was because she was annoyed with herself for becoming overwrought at the ball and had started making all those demands on him, and that she’d actually told him she would marry him if he complied.
She didn’t know what emotion had taken hold and caused her to literally put herself at such a high risk. That was certainly reason enough to give her a case of the jitters, but she shouldn’t still be experiencing the troubling stirs. By the time summer arrived, she’d be twenty-five. Plenty old enough not to allow a rake like Blacknight make her feel as if she were a young belle getting her first ride in a landau with a handsome gentleman.
It wasn’t the best day for a ride in St. James’s Park, but Brina would manage. Skies were gray and the air was downright cold for mid-spring. A gusty strong wind had whistled around the corner of the house all morning. Two days ago she’d heard birds chirping and the sun blazed hot on her cheeks when she was in the garden. Now, spring had seemed to disappear overnight and left a winter’s day in its place.
Brina prepared for her outing with the earl by donning a thick fabric chemise, a heavy forest-green carriage dress with matching velvet pelisse, and fine woolen stockings. At the last moment, she changed from a low-heeled pump to her most comfortable pair of walking boots in case they decided to stop the carriage and take a stroll.
“Should I go up to your room and fetch your black cape, Mrs. Feld?” the housekeeper asked, handing her the wide-brimmed bonnet banded with satin ribbon.
“No, I should be fine. I don’t expect to be out of the house long this afternoon.”
Brina knew if she were too cold, it would be a good reason to cut short her excursion with Blacknight. She wouldn’t admit to actually planning it, but a shiver or two from her should make him recognize her discomfort and suggest the need to return home.
After tying a bow under her chin, she started pulling on her gloves, wanting to be ready when the earl arrived. There was no reason to prolong their time together by inviting him inside and offering tea. It would have been a proper thing to do, and necessary if she’d still been living at her parents’ house. They would have insisted on saying hello to the new earl. Though Brina was quite sure they wouldn’t be pleased Lord Blacknight had placed a wager at White’s stating she would accept his proposal by the end of the Season. Hopefully theywouldn’t know until it was all over. By now, her parents should be safely ensconced at her aunt’s estate in Northumberland and far away from all the gossip.
