Race ran both hands through his hair in frustration at his own loutish behavior. She should have slapped him that morning or thrown her hairbrush at his head. Maybe that would have knocked some sense into him, since he seemed to have taken leave of it.
Thinking on it now, he didn’t know how he could possibly have thought she could have betrayed him so soon after she had completely yielded her body to him. What madness had sent him over the edge of reason into insanity?
Love?
No.
Yes.
He raked a palm through his hair once again. Was what he felt for Susannah love? It must be. But how had it snuck up on him?
“Bloody hell and damnation, too!” he whispered softly into the darkness.
If it was love, what was he going to do about it? Falling in love wasn’t anything he’d planned for his near future.
He had fallen hard for her the moment he laid eyes on her. He could no longer deny that to himself or anyone else.
He had always expected, had always wanted to one day fall madly in love, but he’d always thought it would be with a young and untouched lady like Blake’s wife Henrietta. It had never crossed his mind that he would fall in love with a beautiful, self-assured, and fascinating widow his own age. Susannah was a lady who was more than his equal in intelligence, courage, and title. She had not only turned his world upside down, but she had set his world on fire, too.
He had absolutely no desire for the silly young ladies making their debuts into Society. He wanted Susannah. He didn’t understand it but felt as if he’d been waiting for her his entire life.
It was odd, but he didn’t care that she had been married or what her husband may or may not have made her feel when she was in his bed. He didn’t even care if she’d had other lovers. All that mattered to him was that Susannah be his. And he wanted her with him for the rest of his life.
But had he realized that too late? Had he lost her forever because of his own foolish behavior?
Race squeezed his eyes shut and shook his head for a moment. He took in a deep breath and squared his shoulders. He could win her back. He was certain about that. Obviously not tonight. Maybe not tomorrow, but he would woo her back to him. If he had to, he would move heaven and earth to do it.
Set with determination, Race turned away from the door, but before his foot hit the first step down he heard a soft click behind him, and he stopped.
Was that sound the bolt on the door?
He did hear it, didn’t he?
Race spun and stared at the door as his heart hammered in his chest. The moon still shone brightly on the knob. It wasn’t moving. Was his mind playing tricks on him? Had he only heard night sounds of crickets, frogs, or something else? Was what he heard just the creak of an old house settling on its foundation? His gaze remained frozen on the door, and he listened but heard nothing more.
Race suddenly relaxed and laughed softly to himself again. Could he have wanted her to unbolt the door so desperately that he imagined she had? But then hadn’t he imagined himself wrapped in Susannah’s glorious arms, in her warm bed, many times over the past few days?
Could he leave her house without trying the knob one more time?
No, he couldn’t.
Race quietly retraced his steps to the door and then hesitated. Did he want to feel such heart-wrenching rejection again should his senses be playing tricks on him?
Still…
He took a deep breath and squared his shoulders. Slowly his arm snaked out toward the knob, but his fist remained closed. If the door was still bolted, what would he do?
Break the door down?
No.
He would take his time and woo her.
He was not without charm when he chose to use it. And he would use it. He would make such a romantic assault on her, she would be begging him to come back to her bed.
His hand opened and then closed around the cold knob. He turned his wrist, and the knob moved. He laid his open palm on the door and pushed slowly. The door opened, creaking slightly. His legs went weak. He swallowed a gulping groan, and he fell against the doorjamb, breathing heavily.
She forgave him for his tactless and boorish behavior.
