“We danced the next night and the next. I flirted with other gentlemen, and I watched him dance with other ladies, but our eyes always found each other across the room. I remember I was so jealous when I saw him dance with ladies I considered prettier than me.”
“I can’t believe there was anyone lovelier than you, Susannah,” Race said.
“There was.” She smiled at him. “One of my friends made a match after the first week of the Season to a gentleman she fell madly in love with. I was already into the third week and thinking I was going to be left on the shelf.”
He searched her face, wondering if she still loved the man. Race was pleased when he didn’t see pining for lost love in her eyes, just an acceptance of what had happened.
“I was worried and eager. Was there another that he loved? Was I going to lose him? When he asked me to join him in the garden one night, I was thrilled and readily agreed. I slipped away from my parents to meet him.”
“What happened?”
Her eyes took on that faraway quality that he often saw in Gibby’s eyes when he was remembering the past.
“He took my hands and told me how lovely I was and how desperately he loved me. He asked to kiss me, and of course I allowed him to. I saw no harm. I had so many stars in my eyes, I couldn’t see anything but him. Besides, he told me he loved me. I thought we were going to be married.”
“The beast was lying.”
“Yes, but I didn’t know that at the time. His kisses thrilled me. He wanted to touch me, and I wanted him to. Unfortunately, my uncle and two of his friends happened along and caught us with my dress off my shoulders.”
Though he really didn’t want to know, Race had to ask. “Did you let him make love to you?”
She took a deep breath. “So some would say. I was still a virgin when I married the duke, but alas, I was not untouched according to the strict rules of Society. In fact, my husband was quite surprised I was a virgin.”
“And also delighted, I’m sure. Why didn’t this other man marry you after he compromised you?”
She gave a mirthless laugh. “We never spoke after that. I suppose the main thing was that he didn’t love me. He wanted only to seduce me. After I allowed him to touch me, suddenly I was soiled goods as far as he was concerned. He told my father that if I had let him kiss me and touch me as he had, then I must have allowed others to do the same.”
“He spoke like a pig,” Race said, his anger rising at this unknown man.
“I blame only myself.” She walked over to the window and stared out. “It was my folly. I shamed my parents. My mother took to her sick bed. In fact, I didn’t see or hear from her for over a year after my marriage.”
Race walked up behind her and laid his open hand on her back, rubbing from one shoulder to the other. “It must have been hard on you to have your mother reject you like that.”
“No, I felt it was justified after what I had done. My father told me I would never be welcomed in anyone’s house in London again.”
“Society’s rules can be harsh.”
“During that time, my parents seldom let me out of the house, and when I was allowed, I had to hide my face with my parasol. That was all right with me. I didn’t really want to see anyone. I was ashamed, not because I had let him kiss me and touch me, but because I was foolish enough to think he loved me. He made me feel like a fool, and that was difficult to accept.”
“How did it come about that you married the duke?”
She faced him. “My father heard he was coming to London to look for a suitable wife, so he sent him a letter about me. The duke came to London, and I was presented to him one afternoon. We married three days later. I left London and never came back until I came to find you. So you see, I have a tarnished reputation, and I’m not sure I’ll be welcomed at anyone’s house.”
Race’s forehead wrinkled into a frown. “I doubt anyone will recall such a minor event after so many years.”
She smiled at him. “It did not seem minor at the time.”
“But now you are a duchess—a beautiful, unattached duchess. You will be welcomed by everyone, Susannah, that is why you are already receiving invitations. The day you married the duke, your past was swept clean, and if your parents didn’t tell you that, they should have.”
Her eyes lingered on his face, and she smiled gently. “So now that you know about my past, do you still want to dance with me?”
Race moved closer to her. “Now more than ever. It does not matter to me that you had a few stolen kisses with a handsome beau when you were so young. Do you mind telling me the man’s name?”
“No,” she laughed softly. “I have long since lost any feeling I had for Lord Martin Downings. I have no idea if he is still in London or if he is still among the living.”
Race’s eyebrows rose, and he smiled. “I know of the man and his wife. They attend a few parties, and I can hardly wait for him to see what he gave up twelve years ago.”
Race swept Susannah up into his arms and kissed her solidly on the lips. He smiled down at her.
