Speechless, Loretta turned and tramped off without another glance toward Hawk, but as she feared would happen, within seconds he came walking up beside her.
“He was going to steal the dog, wasn’t he?”
She couldn’t lie to him, so she remained silent.
“Talk to me, Loretta.”
“Leave me alone, Your Grace.”
All she had to do was keep looking straight ahead and make it to the carriage and shut herself inside. She needed to think about the duke and about Farley’s hug and how she felt about both. But before she could get halfway there, Hawk grabbed hold of her arm and forced her to stop.
“Look at me,” he said earnestly.
“No,” she whispered, keeping her head down. “I don’t want to look at you.” She wanted to cry so badly her throat ached and her chest heaved, but somehow she managed to control her emotions and not let them spill over into weeping.
“Listen to me, Loretta. I won’t leave you alone.” His hand tightened on her arm. “Hear me well. I will never leave you alone, so look at me.”
She lifted her head, and then her lashes, and what she saw made her want to forget who she was, what she had vowed. Cocoa lay on her stomach on the duke’s upturned forearm. Her neck stretched over his wrist, her little head was cradled in his palm, and she was licking his thumb. Loretta’s heart melted. At that moment, she knew why she’d been on the verge of giving her innocence to him. She was deeply, madly in love with the duke.
“Farley was trying to steal the puppy, wasn’t he?”
Hawk’s eyes were gleaming. A breathy sigh of despair pushed forth from her aching lungs. Only with the will of an inner strength she’d developed since being banished to Mammoth House, did she manage to say, “You are doing a pitiful job of trying to console me.”
“I’m not trying to console you. I’m trying to help you to see that Farley isn’t the boy you want him to be, and he never will be. I can understand a boy like Farley wanting a dog, a friend, someone to love.”
Loretta bit back the tears that collected in her throat but was unable to keep them from pooling in her eyes as she remembered the spindly arms wrapped around her, giving her a hug for being kind. “He didn’t want it for himself. He’d overheard me telling your sister I wanted a puppy.” She choked down a sob. “He said he was stealing the puppy as a gift for me, because I had been so kind to him.”
“Loretta,” Hawk whispered as his hand squeezed even tighter on her arm.
“No, don’t say it. He didn’t know it was wrong.”
“He did.”
“But it shows he has goodness in his heart. He just doesn’t know the right way to express it.”
“You’re making excuses for him,” Hawk insisted.
His not allowing her to lie to herself, his expression of compassion, the soothing sound of his voice was more than she could accept at the moment. She knew all he said was true, but what the duke didn’t seem to know was that Farley’s actions, though meant to please her, had broken her heart, too.
She cleared her tight throat and swallowed another lump of sorrow.
Unwanted tears continued to pool in her eyes, blurring her vision, but somehow, once again, she kept them from spilling. Didn’t Hawk know she just needed to get away from him?
“Let go of me,” she managed to whisper earnestly.
“Farley’s reasons for taking the puppy are purely his own. He cannot put the blame for this act on you.”
“Perhaps you didn’t notice, Your Grace, but I am very close to tears, and I would rather you not see me cry,” she said as she felt a tear trickle from the corner of one of her eyes. “So if over the course of these few weeks I haveknown you, if you have developed any warm feelings for me, I would appreciate it if you would let go of me at once and allow me to get on that coach without saying another word to me.”
“Loretta.” He whispered her name almost desperately and looked at her for so long she thought she was going to break down into prolonged weeping right in front of him before he turned her loose. But then, after another gentle squeeze on her arm, he stepped back.
She would have liked nothing more than to rush into his arms, bury her face in his warm chest, and cry until her eyes hurt. That wouldn’t do. She kept her chin up, her shoulders straight, and looked straight ahead as she walked past him. Somehow she managed make it to the carriage and climb inside before a heaving sob of heartache left her mouth. A second and third came rushing out before she was able to stop the flow and hold the rest of her anguish inside her aching throat. Those tears of anguish would be saved until she was alone at Mammoth. She would have plenty of time to cry there.
What Farley had done upset her greatly. Later, she would explain in detail to him why he must never do anything like that again. But what could she do about the duke? There was nothing to compare to the hurt of realizing she was in love with him and could never be with him. She would have never come to Hawksthorn if she’d known that she would be leaving her heart when she left.
Paxton entered the coach and sat quietly opposite her. There could have been no doubt that he knew she was upset. Tears continued to roll down her cheeks as fast as she could wipe them away, and her sniffing was impossible to hide. She stared out the window at the sun peeking above the horizon and lighting the sky. The coach took off with a rumble, rattle, and jerk.
Thankfully, the estate was well behind them and her emotions under control when Paxton, obviously, couldn’t take the silence of not knowing any longer and asked, “Were you and the duke having an argument?”
