“Yes,” she admitted with a lift of her chin. “Or maybe to be fair I should say no. It’s not that he forbids it. Just that whenever I’ve asked to go somewhere in the past, he’s always said no. He’s never granted any of my wishes, so I stopped asking. It’s just easier not to plan anything away from Mammoth House. But I don’t mind.”
“I do.” His eyes flashed with displeasure.
“That decision is not up to you. Besides, why would your sister want me to come? I’m sure she has aunts, cousins, or someone who would be willing to come and visit with her while Paxton is there. Someone she could confide in, which I am not. Someone other than you to give her an opinion on my brother’s suitability for her.”
He stepped closer to her. “Perhaps it is me who wants you there, Miss Quick.”
His words brought curls of pleasure swirling low in her stomach. “No matter. I can’t go.”
“What kind of monster holds a young lady prisoner in her own home?” he continued. “He forces you to live out here in an empty valley like a hermit. Why would he ban you from traveling as well? That’s inhumane.”
“Don’t be ridiculous,” she said, defending her uncle, but why she had no idea. In truth, she would love to be able to travel. She’d asked many times to be allowed to visit London until she could no longer stand the disappointment of hearing him refuse her. “Look at this grand home. I have more books than I could ever read, a pianoforte that I know how to play quite well, and kind, sensible, and trustworthy servants to care for my every need.” She took hold of the sides of her skirt and held them out. “Though this dress doesn’t represent it, I have gorgeous clothing and fine jewels for whenever I choose to wear them. I am not treated inhumanely.”
“I will admit you are well cared for in your daily life, so why is it he won’t let you leave?”
“You know why,” she answered softly. “Not the small details maybe, but you know that I refused to marry Viscount Denningcourt.”
The duke’s gaze seemed to burn into hers. She watched him swallow. It pleased her he was so interested in her life, but it frightened her as well. He could very easily cause her to do something foolish if she wasn’t wary of him every second.
“Give me the small details, Miss Quick.”
Loretta turned away from him and walked over to the window, standing where the little slice of sun that beamed through the panes could shine on her face. The warmth that came through was comforting. She looked out on the spacious, barren grounds. It had taken her a long time, butshe’d finally made peace with her life and found a measure of contentment. If she wasn’t careful, the duke could easily upset that balance and leave her starting all over again with her journey to stay sane.
She knew he could be as determined as a dog after a bone. He would probably stay after her until she told him everything. Besides, it really didn’t matter whether or not he knew it all, as long as she didn’t let it change the way she felt about her life.
Turning, she walked back to stand before the duke. “Viscount Denningcourt wasn’t an unpleasant man.” Her gaze swept up and down the duke’s face. “His hair is darker than yours. He’s shorter, a little pudgy perhaps.” She stopped and laughed softly. “I don’t know why I’m telling you what he looks like. I’m sure you know him.”
He nodded.
“Perhaps I only wanted to convey to you that there really wasn’t anything wrong with him, except whenever I thought about spending the rest of my life as his wife, I didn’t want to do it. I knew it almost from the time I met him. As horrible as it sounds, I knew I didn’t want to marry him—” She paused for a moment then finished. “—or bear his children. And yet I agreed.”
“That’s not horrible.”
“But I didn’t tell Uncle. I didn’t let him know when the arrangements were being formalized, or the wedding plans were being made. I wanted to be happy with my uncle’s choice. I thought I could be. I thought I just needed time to get to know the viscount. In hindsight, I never should have agreed to the wedding. I shouldn’t have waited until the guests arrived to tell the earl I would rather live alone the rest of my days than marry Viscount Denningcourt.”
“What happened when you told him?”
“He said, either you will marry the viscount this dayor you will take a vow, here and now in this church before the vicar, that you will never marry anyone.”
“And you made the vow.”
“Yes,” she said, remaining resolute. “In the church. But before I did, the earl warned me that I would never be allowed to enter Society again. He said he wouldn’t have me prancing about gaily at all the parties and balls, to be a constant reminder to him about how I’d disobeyed him and the embarrassment I caused to both him and the viscount in front of so many guests. And he has kept his word.”
“You were not the first person to ever break an engagement in such a manner.”
“No, but the first person my uncle had to deal with, and he was quite irate and firm in taking care of the matter. He said if I’d rather be alone than marry, he’d see to it that I would do just that. Live alone. And so I have. Except, of course, for Paxton, who was never forced to live here by Uncle. It was always his choice to stay with me because he’s such a devoted brother.”
“But he’s spending less and less time here,” the duke offered.
Regrettably, she had to say, “Yes. But the servants are always here. So you see, Your Grace, I knew exactly what life I would be living when I took that vow.”
“The earl is being overly severe concerning this,” the duke said with only slightly veiled disdain. “It appears he is living by the old adage,Out of sight is out of mind, no matter how unjust his reasons.”
“Perhaps. Remember, I could have married. I chose this life. I am not complaining, because there is no need, and I have made peace with my fate and harbor no ill will. I was allowed to make the choice.”
His eyes swept up and down her face. “I can see that,but I don’t think coming to that conclusion was as easy as you now make it sound.”
He was so perceptive. A chill washed over her. For a while she thought she might lose her mind. “No” was all she said.
