“Look,” Hanna says, and she’s irritated and it makes me feel guilty that I’m not like her. That I’m not like any of them. “Just think about your college applications. You want Harvard, right? Well guess what, Ten, so do a million other people. If you want your application to have any chance of not being buried at the bottom of the pile, then you need these extracurriculars. And besides, Alexander is being initiated tonight too. You know that Praetorians can only date Birdies.”
My chest hurts at the thought of Alexander dumping me. I didn’t always like him, especially when my mother was hell bent on pushing us together, but over the last year, I’ve really warmed up to him.
When he’s not around his friends, he can actually be kind of sweet.
“Hellooooo?” Hanna snaps. “Are you even listening to me?”
“I’ll think about it,” I tell her.
“Well if you don’t,” she growls, “then you can really kiss Alexander goodbye. He won’t ever forgive you for this.”
She slams the phone shut and I’m left with a dial tone as my mother examines me. Her eyes are always moving over me as though she’s cataloging ways for me to improve. And then she’ll bring them up, one by one, at the nightly family dinners.
“Everything okay at school?” she asks.
“Everything’s fine,” I tell her.
She’s quiet for a moment, glancing over her shoulder to make sure nobody else is around to hear her next question.
“How are your symptoms?”
“They aren’t symptoms, mother,” I sigh. “They are personality traits.”
“Yes, well… regardless of what you’d like to call them, I need to know you’re still working on them. That you’re doing what you promised.”
“I am,” I say. “I’m doing everything you want.”
“Good,” she answers. “That’s good, Tenly.”
The kitchen is quiet, and the conversation is effectively over when she leaves without another word.
Later that night, I sneak out of the house and wait at the end of the block like I’ve been instructed to do.
A car pulls up, and I barely get a glimpse of the faces inside when I’m yanked through the door.
Someone covers my eyes with their hands, and I’m freaking out already until Alexander’s voice whispers into my ear.
“Calm down, baby,” he says. “It’s just me.”
“What are you doing here?” I ask. “I’m supposed to be getting initiated tonight.”
“I came to escort my girl.” He takes my hand and I feel some of my nerves dissipating as he strokes the pulse beneath my skin.
“Are you nervous?” he asks.
“No,” I lie. “And why are they doing both initiations on the same night? Aren’t they supposed to be separate?”
“Nah,” Alexander says, but he doesn’t give further explanation.
“Are the other girls meeting us somewhere?”
“Yeah,” he says. “Of course. But you have to pass the first challenge first.”
“What is it?”
He brings something cool to my lips and liquid sloshes into my mouth.
“Drink up.”
