His hand tightened along the back of her neck. Not hard enough to hurt, but enough to make her guess the struggle he fought to control himself around her. She stood before him in her nightrail. He was in his kilt with a staff full ready to take her. But he held his body back for her sake. He did not hold back his words.
“It’s been nearly ten years since I decided on you as my bride. Ten years of waiting for you to see that Liam was not meant for you. I let you find your way in his castle when it should have been in mine. I’ve been dancing to your tune for ten long years, Mairi MacAdaidh. When do you join me to dance in mine?”
She shook her head. “You want a wedding between us tonight? Because you made me laugh at a dance? Because I said yes to your smile and your broad shoulders? Because you are pretty, and I am alone.”
“Ach! You are not alone! I am right here!”
She lifted her chin. “I will not wed you tonight.”
“Mairi, what do you want? What will it take for you to see that this is the way it should be?”
She arched her brow at him. “Because you say so?”
“Aye! You are MacAdaidh. The last of a fine and noble clan, one that fought bravely at Culloden and none will say aught against them.”
“And you are Aberbeag. Collaborators who would give none to the fight. Your grandfather received a dukedom for his betrayal of Scotland, and you—”
“I had naught to do with that. I wasn’t even born yet, and I have done everything I can to reclaim wealth and honor for Scotland.”
“For the Aberbeag, you mean. You seek to lessen the tarnish of your name by marrying mine.”
He blew out a breath. “That is not why I want you.” But it was why his father wanted her in the family. He had never told her that, but perhaps she already knew. Either way, he would not bring another soul into a discussion that should be between husband and wife.
She turned from him. “You are too much for me,” she whispered. “Too much.”
“And you are running away again.” He set one hand on her shoulder, then let is slide down her arm. “This is naught but maidenly fear. You have experienced a quickening by yourself. It is a frightening thing to allow a man to do such a thing for you.” He stepped closer until her heat burned the very air he breathed. “Or is it me you fear? Do you think that I will take what you will not give?”
“You are the man with a staff the size of a tureen.”
A tureen? He didn’t know whether to be insulted or complimented.
“I can feel it poking at me,” she continued. “Where else has it been, Connall Aberbeag? What other women have you plowed? And why didn’t you marry any of them?”
“If you wish, I can give you a full accounting tomorrow. I will tell you about women I can barely remember, the doxies who greet every young man with coin. What do you think men do when they visit Edinburgh?” He let his hand caress up and down her back. “I have not gone there for that in years.”
“I will not marry you tonight,” she said, her words decisive.
“Then let us do something partway,” he said. “So you can feel what it is like with a man and not be afraid.” He pressed a kiss to the back of her neck and was pleased when she tilted her head down to feel it better. And so he nibbled while she stilled. She didn’t tremble until he brushed the scruff of his beard against her.
“It is not a marriage,” she said.
“Not a marriage.”
“You will not take my virginity.”
“I will keep you pure, Mairi. I swear it.” And when she didn’t say anything, he pulled her back until she lay flush against him. “And you,” he growled in her ear, “will not let another man do this with you. Not until all is settled between us.”
She snorted. “As if I would risk this with anyone else.”
He grinned. That was the closest she had ever come to admitting the connection between them, and the joy that suffused him was enough to make him bold. He was still careful to hold a steady pace, but the terms had been set now. He could touch her as he willed and bring her to a peak that she had never had before.
He swore it.
And so where before he had been stroking her back, he wrapped his arm around her belly. He spread his fingers wide so that she could accustom herself to the size of him in front and behind.
“When it is time, lass, we will fit. I promise you that.”
“Not tonight,” she said, her voice tight.
