She stepped back from him, both startled and pleased by his emphatic statement. “You are very kind, my lord, but truly, this is not unusual for me. I do not know how others learn to act normally, but it has always required specific study for me. It is still hard sometimes to know when and how to laugh, for example.”
“Is that why you keep to yourself so much? Why you are so against being the one to wear our flower?”
“Yes.” Hard to say that one word, but the darkness helped. It hid her burning cheeks.
“Lady Gwen—” he began, but she cut him off. Best to confess it all while she felt brave enough to say so.
“I am incredibly intelligent,” she said. “Everyone says so.”
“Of course, you are.”
“It is because I have had to learn how to study and memorize. I watch what everyone else does, and I repeat it.” She took a deep breath. “It’s my darkest secret. I’m afraid I’m not even remotely smart. I can’t do what everyone else does naturally. I don’t laugh right, I don’t speak correctly.”
“That must make society very hard.”
“There are ways to cover. Sometimes I am bold and laugh about my oddities. Other times, I am just—”
“Tired of working so hard all the time?”
She looked up at him in surprise. “Yes. How did you know?”
“We all have difficulties of one form or another. And society is unforgiving of the slightest mistake. I may not understand how hard it has been for you, but I certainly know how exhausting it is to constantly monitor my words and actions so as to maintain a place in society.”
“But you’re a man, and a confident one at that.”
“I wasn’t born an adult man. I have made mistakes and had to learn just like everyone else.”
It wasn’t the same. It was ten times harder for a woman than a man. And for her, sometimes life seemed like an insurmountable mountain where even the smallest step became too much.
He stopped walking and turned to face her directly. “I can see you don’t believe me.”
“But I do,” she said. At least she knew he believed his words.
He smiled at her. “I thought we agreed you wouldn’t lie about anything with me.”
“That goes both ways, my lord. Do you honestly think you struggle to move about in society? That it is hard for you?”
He opened his mouth to argue, and then shut it with an audible click. In time, he shrugged. “You are the smartest person I have ever met, even if you don’t know when to laugh or how to kiss.”
“But I should like to learn,” she said, hope creeping into her voice. Then she dared touch his hand. “Would you teach me?”
“How to kiss?”
“Yes.” Then when he did not answer, she rushed to calm what was likely his biggest obstacle. “I am on the shelf, you know, and if we can walk about after dark together, then we can certainly engage in a little bit of scandalous behavior. If neither of us tells, then we should be able to keep my reputation safe.” She stopped, trying to read his expression. She couldn’t. It was as blank to her as a new piece of paper. “You needn’t fear my being upset if I fail to learn. I practice things a great deal before I am proficient at anything. I won’t blame you.” Again she stopped and tried to guess at his thoughts. He was watching her carefully. His face wasn’t pinched in displeasure, but neither was it relaxing as if reassured. “My lord—”
“Lady Gwen,” he interrupted, and she fell silent. “Do you like lemon ices?”
She blinked. “What?”
“Do you like lemon ices? They serve them at Gunter’s. Have you ever had them?”
She didn’t know what that had to do with anything, but she answered nonetheless. “Yes, I do.”
“Is there a sweet that you prefer to that? A tart, perhaps, or a pie?”
She frowned. “I prefer apple pie, one hour out of the oven with cinnamon on top.”
“Did you have to study to know that?”
