Diana’s chin shot up as she met his mother’s gaze. “On that, I agree.”
“Then, do not repeat my mistake.”
Chapter Thirty
“What a witch!”Diana huffed out as she let her head drop back onto the squabs of the carriage. Lucas sat across from her, and she saw his head snap up at her words.
“You don’t agree with her?” She heard hope and relief in his words.
“That’s not the point,” she said. “To blame an innocent child for her mistakes is weak, petulant, and irresponsible. I wanted to slap her.” She snorted. “I still want to slap her!” Then she looked at him and felt her heart weep for his pain. He was the strongest man she knew, and his shoulders were hunched, and he kept fiddling with his hurt hand. She reached out to him and ended up replacing his hand with hers as she stroked her love into his scarred palm. “I am so sorry, Lucas. I cannot imagine how much you suffered with her as a mother.”
He stared at her hand as she worked, and eventually, she felt his fingers relax. “I never understood why she hated me.”
“I don’t think she hates you exactly. I think she hates her life, and you were just the target. What a horrible way to live. For all of you.”
He nodded and seemed to come more fully back to himself. A moment later, he turned his hand such that he held hers. “Was it like that for you, too? You were pushed into marriage just as she was and at a younger age.”
How to answer that?“I was very angry for a time, but I had plenty of legitimate targets. I dismissed my awful housekeeper, sacked anyone who sneered at me, and demanded respect from everyone and everything. I even forced Penelope to take her cat back. The damned thing hissed at me.”
“Cats don’t respect anyone.”
“I handed it to a footman and told him to deliver it to her. It was her cat. Why should I shelter it when all it did was claw at my skirts?”
His brows rose. “I shall be very careful about bringing you any pets in the future.”
She chuckled. “It was just the one mean cat. I’m actually rather fond of cats, in general. But as I said, it was something to focus all my anger on.”
“And how did you change? How did you stop?”
“Feeling angry?” She blew out a breath. “It’s exhausting being mad all the time. And Oscar and I became friends. I don’t think your parents ever did.”
He shook his head. “No, I don’t think they did either.”
His voice was glum, and she squeezed his fingers. “It’s not your fault. The way she treats you was never your fault.”
He gave her a half-smile. “I’m grateful you don’t agree with her.”
She sighed. She already knew this conversation was about to take a bad turn, but she couldn’t let him keep denying her choices. “Lucas, she was horrid to you, but what she said wasn’t wrong. Forcing children to marry is reprehensible, and it damages the next generation.”
His hands tightened around hers. “We’re not children.”
“No. I am a free widow with wealth enough to live as I choose.”
He tugged at her hands just as she tried to slip away from his hold. “You cannot listen to my mother. She is a bitter, old shrew.”
Her voice rose to match his. “And she said nothing I have not already said to you. Why would I give up everything now that I finally have it?”
“For me. To be with me.” His voice was hard as he answered. It was the first time she’d heard this tone directed at her, and she didn’t like it.
“We were together last night and—”
He cut her words off with a quick shake of his head. “Do not make me regret last night,” he rasped. “We both wanted it.”
“We both enjoyed it.”
He agreed with a nod. “But that does not change what I want. You love me, Diana. You said so. Why won’t you commit to me?”
It wasn’t that simple, and he knew it. She hadn’t been blind these last years. She knew that his parents’ story wasn’t the only hideous marriage. She’d seen couples desperately in love turn against one another within a year. Always, the husband turned to his own amusements, and no one said a word. But the wife was trapped, unable to do anything without her husband’s approval.
