We talked for another hour, my brothers offering advice and perspective with the easy familiarity of men who'd been through everything together. As we prepared to head back, Diesel clapped me on the shoulder.
"For what it's worth," he said, "You seem… lighter. More like yourself than maybe you've ever been."
I considered that as we mounted our bikes for the ride back to the city. Lighter. More like myself. I hadn't thought about it that way, but Diesel was right. The careful control I maintained in every other aspect of my life felt less necessary with Vivienne. She didn't require management or performance, she just required honesty.
That evening, I found myself checking my phone more frequently than I cared to admit. Vivienne had texted a few times throughout the day—photos of her slowly shrinking paper pile, a funny comment one of her students had written about "capitalist oppression in the cotton industry," updates on her progress.
Vivienne:Down to my last fifteen papers! I might actually finish before midnight ??
Julian:Impressive. What's your reward for completing the marathon?
Vivienne:A long bath, a glass of wine, and the knowledge that I can enjoy tomorrow evening without guilt.
Julian:Looking forward to sharing the road with you.
Vivienne:I've watched a few motorcycle safety videos on YouTube. I'm either better prepared or more terrified than before.
I laughed out loud at that, imagining her earnestly researching proper riding techniques and safety protocols.
Julian:What did you learn?
Vivienne:Apparently I should lean with you in turns, not away from you. Also, your bike is classified as a ‘sport bike’ which means it's ‘fast and requires skill to operate safely.’ Should I be concerned that my first ride is on something described as requiring skill? ??
Julian:You'll be perfectly safe. I've been riding for over a decade without incident. Besides, I have something precious to protect now.
Vivienne:Something precious?
I stared at my phone, realizing what I'd just revealed. But it was true, she was precious to me, in a way that surprised me with its intensity.
Julian:Someone precious. My girlfriend, who I'm not about to let anything happen to.
Vivienne:I like being your something precious ??
Vivienne:Julian?
Julian:Yes?
Vivienne:I'm really happy. About us, about tomorrow, about... all of it.
I felt warmth spread through my chest,the same feeling I'd been experiencing all weekend whenever I thought about her.
Julian:So am I. More than I expected to be.
Vivienne:Good unexpected or scary unexpected?
Julian:The best kind of unexpected. The kind that makes you realize you were sleepwalking before.
There was a longer pause before her response.
Vivienne:That's exactly how I feel. Like I was going through the motions before, and now everything is more vivid, more real.
Julian:Vivienne?
Vivienne:Yes?
Julian:I can't wait to see you tomorrow.
Vivienne:Tomorrow feels like forever away. But it also feels like exactly the right timing, if that makes sense.
