“You are and it’s souring your perspective on them,” she said.
A humorless laugh bubbled out of me before I could stop it. “What possible reason do I have to be bitter?”
She looked me right in the eyes. “You’re bitter about the wedding itself. This has nothing to do with ancient family history and everything to do with the fact that you’ve been engaged for two years and there hasn’t been a whisper of a wedding date.”
I scoffed but ice froze my veins. “It’s not that unusual.”
“It’s not that typical either.”
“You’re wrong. Thomas and I have known each other for almost a decade and we’ve been together nearly that long. We’renot youngsters needing to race to the altar trying to keep up with society.”
Jessica hummed, apparently unconvinced. “I know you’re both busy, but it’s weird.”
“It’s not.” As a solicitor for an upper-class firm in London, it wasn’t like I had time to run around scouting for a venue and daydreaming about dresses.
Thomas, my fiancé, was in a similar position, away for work so often that we’d barely even had time to discuss a date, let alone plan a wedding.
“Archaeologists travel a lot,” I said, repeating the same old line that was as washed out as an old jumper by now. “You can’t blame us for just wanting to spend time together while he’s in town rather than to spend every minute planning a party.”
“It’s more than a party, Jaque. It’s a wedding.Yourwedding. One of the most important days of a person’s life.”
I sighed, knowing she was right, but I would rather launch myself out the window of this moving train than admit it. The truth was that Thomas and I used to work. In a way, we still did, especially when one factored in that we were both professionals in extremely competitive careers.
However, we’d become more like roommates than lovers, ships passing in the night even when he was home. Back when we met, we’d both been students at Harvard with big dreams, truckloads of ambition, and more importantly, the belief that we had time. Time to settle into our careers before we finally got married and started the family we both wanted. Time was a funny thing, though. It went by much faster than planned, and somehow, it seemed to be slipping right by us at an astonishing rate.
“Have you given any more thought to the job?” Jessica asked gently, her voice interrupting my thoughts.
“Yes,” I said after a beat, refocusing on her before I shook my head. “I’m not taking it.”
She sat up straighter, her calm facade instantly slipping right off. “Jacque, no.”
“No, what?”
“You can’t just pretend this doesn’t matter. I won’t buy it.” She lifted her chin, steadily holding my gaze. “You wanted to stay in the States after law school, remember? Now your mentor from Harvard is positively begging you to become a partner in Chicago and you’re just passing it up? No.”
“Yes.” I looked right back at her, not even flinching. “People change, Jessica. So do plans. Mine have.”
She stared at me like I’d just said something genuinely incomprehensible. “You cannot be serious.”
“I am.”
“But why?” She pressed, then shook her head before I’d even responded. “Don’t you dare give me that bollocks about people changing. It’s not that. I know you and I know that no matter what else has changed, your desire to go back to America to work there has not.”
I inhaled slowly, attempting to steady myself before admitting the truth I knew she wouldn’t let me get away from. “Thomas doesn’t want to move back there. He doesn’t want to move at all unless it’s back home, to France.”
“Well, that’s Thomas,” she said dismissively. “What about you?”
I hesitated. “It’s irrelevant, isn’t it? He and I have barely talked about the future at all lately. He’s gone too often to have a real conversation about it, but the last time I brought it up, he was firmly opposed, so that’s it, isn’t it?”
“No, that’s not it. You deserve to chase the future you want and have worked hard for.”
“I know, and that’s what I’m doing,” I said easily, though I kept my gaze fixed out the window, watching the countryside blur into civilization the closer we got to London. “I like my job. I like my flat. My life is fine.”
Jessica didn’t respond right away, which was never a good sign. Ever since she’d become a mother, she’d developed a talent for letting silence do the work for her, stretching it long enough that you started filling it yourself.
“Drop it, Jessica. I’m happy.”
“I didn’t say you weren’t. I simply implied that you were happier before you moved back here. You were thriving in the States. All those offers?—”
