“Wow, really? I would have thought you’d cave by now.”
I could just picture the horror on my parents’ faces if I told them I was taking an art class. They alwayspushed me to focus on more stable and lucrative skills like finance and business.
I toyed with the falafel on my plate. “Well, I didn’t, and I promise I’ll look into the contest.”
“You don’t have to win it. Just try it out. You’re an amazing artist. Even if the world doesn’t see it, at least let me.”
“Okay, okay. What’s going on with the pub? I drove by the other day, and it looks like your sign is about to fall off the building.”
Elspeth heaved a sigh. “Every time I think I’ve gotten ahead of one dumpster fire, another pops up. It’s been hard managing it all on my own. I was thinking of asking William for help.”
I stopped chewing. Elspeth had two half brothers who lived in Scotland, William and Angus. They’d visit every summer, and Elspeth and Lindsey would go there for winter break. Their moms were on good terms and bonded over the fact that their ex-husband was a deadbeat and their children deserved to know each other.
I fell in love with my best friend’s older brother at just seven years old. William was twelve, while Angus was seventeen.
Angus was too busy hooking up with American girls to hang around much, but William was always there. He was either absorbed in a book or quietly helping Lindsey around the house. He always managed to surprise me with how thoughtful he was.
William was the first person to buy me an art set. He noticed how obsessed I was with coloring and chalk. He bought it as a birthday present one year, and I still have it stowed away in my closet.
He also showed more patience than anyone I’d everknown. While William didn’t play any of our “girly” games, he taught us about the outdoors, animals, and insects. No matter how many questions we had, or how many we repeated, he’d answer each one in measured patience.
He’d call it exploring the Americas, and we would follow him around like he was scout leader.
To this day, khaki pants and hiking boots always sparked a tinge of arousal for me.
Things changed a bit as William became a teenager. Angus stopped visiting altogether, and William was angsty and more reserved. I heard he’d fallen into a bad crowd back home, following in his brother’s footsteps. I never knew when he was going to blow up or say something crude, but I never gave up on him. Because even when he acted mean, he’d always tie my shoelace if he noticed it was undone and kept an eye on us when Elle and I rode our bikes to make sure we didn’t go too far. I never asked too many questions and reached a new level of stalker status as I hid behind doorframes to watch him talk on the phone with his girlfriend back home.
I had never been more jealous of a person I’d never met. I always wondered what they’d talk about, if he was affectionate with her, if she was prettier. At that age, I was constantly battling sinus infections due to seasonal allergies. I also had a full mouth of metal and the fashion sense of Adam Sandler.
When William was seventeen, he broke the news that he wouldn’t be visiting as much because he was joining the armed forces. He never talked about why he was enlisting, but Elspeth and I knew he’d gotten into some sort of trouble back home. No matter how many times Elspeth asked, he’d never explain the full details.Pretty soon, he grew through the ranks and got into the SAS, the most elite special forces unit in the UK.
I couldn’t imagine the once-gentle and kind boy I knew doing anything of the sort, and it scared me that he was in constant danger, never knowing when I would see him next, if at all.
Snapping back into reality, I caught the tail end of what Elspeth was saying.
“I’ve been talking to him, but it’s hard doing it all over the phone.”
I nodded in silence, stuffing more food in my mouth to avoid Elspeth’s eyes. She knew I had a major crush on her brother and teased me relentlessly.
“Remember when he stood up to the neighborhood bullies for you? There was a word you didn’t know in English yet.”
I rolled my eyes but couldn’t hide my blush. “I tripped and hurt my ankle. A bunch of kids gathered because I was crying, and I kept telling them where it hurt, but they just kept laughing at me for not saying the right word.”
“Then William and I ran over, and he punched the loudest one in the gut.”
I grinned like a goofball. “He did. Then he carried me back to your mom, and she wrapped it up.”
“How romantic.”
“We were just kids.”
“William always knows what to do. I gave him a heads-up about my mom, and he said he’d come to the funeral without question.”
Elspeth and I both knew her mom was nearing the end. As Lindsey’s four-year battle with cancer progressed worse with each day, the doctor advised us to make heras comfortable as possible. So we took turns taking care of her in her sick bed, washing her, and spoon-feeding her. It wasn’t easy watching Lindsey decline, but I buried the feelings of discomfort. I took my role as an emotional support friend seriously. I wanted to be a safe space where Elspeth could grieve for her mother and the life they wouldn’t have. I didn’t want to burden Elspeth with my feelings on top of everything else, so I learned to live with it. She wanted me to talk about it, but I just couldn’t.
I nudged her foot with my own. “How are you feeling?”
Elspeth looked out the window. “We’ve had so much time to say goodbye. I’m grateful for that, but of course, it’s still hard. You’ve been a godsend with helping. I’m eternally grateful.”
