Nairie
Before closing my door, I stared at William as he removed his shirt. His muscles flexed as he tore it off one-handed from the back of his collar, and I felt sixteen again, peeping on my best friend’s brother.
I left the door ajar and hesitated. I always closed my door when it was just Elspeth and I. But a small voice inside me held out a small glimmer of hope that one night he’d feel welcome to walk right in, no invitation necessary.
I shook the idea away but left it open anyway. His smell still lingered on my pajamas like musky spice, forest, and sea salt. The memory of his large hands gripping my lower back gave me shivers. I studied his rough features. The scars and bumps only made him look more handsome in my eyes, but his lips took my breath away. They were soft and kissable, a stark contrast to the scowl they so often displayed. They curved into a mischievous grin when he alluded to spanking me in the kitchen. It was all in jest, of course, just a friend poking fun at another friend, but it heated me to the core. I’d never experienced anything of the like, but the idea was definitely a turn-on. Maybe all I need is the right person to bring out that side of me.
It wasn’t until he held me close that I finally let go. My resolve to remain strong just melted away. Williamcould always turn me into a puddle of goo. I’m so used to taking care of everyone else that it felt like forever since somebody held me. Elspeth and I would hug, of course, but I felt like William could take on everything I had to give him without flinching. It was the most intimate moment we’d ever shared, and I committed the feeling of his comfort to my memory.
But if my parents ever found out I was in love with a man they didn’t hand select, they’d lose it. They’d probably disown me for not being with someone within our culture.
I spent the rest of the night tossing and turning with a million thoughts in my head, the impending funeral just hours away.
That morning, I took my time getting ready, reminiscing on the way Lindsey would braid my hair or teach me how to do the perfect cat eye. She told Elspeth and me she didn’t want her funeral to be a depressing affair. She wanted us to celebrate the good times. So I put on the formfitting black dress Lindsey loved and sprayed on the perfume she got me for Christmas one year, something airy and vanilla with notes of anise.
Looking in the mirror, I felt ten years older from the weight of today’s events and the past year. I covered the dark circles under my eyes and did a simple makeup look in fear of melting it off with my hot tears.
Elspeth and William were already downstairs drinking coffee when I approached. William’s white button-down hugged his biceps and fit his trim waist perfectly. His black slacks made his muscular legs appear even longer. He casually leaned against the counter with one ankle crossed against the other, his biceps straining against the sleeves of his shirt as he gripped thecountertop behind him. He always had an air of quiet but lethal confidence, like a panther that could strike with one swift move.
Elspeth was trying to fix his tie, and William patiently waited, chewing gum and staring up at the ceiling.
Elspeth huffed a frustrated sigh. “Damn it, I was never good at this.”
I squeezed her hand in gentle reassurance. “Need help?”
“Yes, please.”
She stepped away and headed toward the living room. “I’m going to the bathroom, and then we can get going.”
William didn’t move from his relaxed stance as I walked up to him in my heels. Now that I was a bit taller, I was closer to his face but focused intently on the task at hand. My knuckles brushed against his firm chest as I lined up both ends of the tie, and I licked my lips in anticipation.
His Adam’s apple bobbed as his deep voice made me tremble to the core. “Where’d you learn how to do this?”
I kept my eyes on his chest. “My dad always wears one to work. When I was a kid, I’d watch him get ready.”
William smiled, and I could smell the fresh mint on his breath. If I wanted, I could pull both ends of his tie and force his mouth on me right now. But my hands were on autopilot, looping the ends.
“What are you thinking about?” he said with a lightness like he already knew.
“Nothing.”
“Hmm.” William’s voice reverberated.
I finally looked up at him, and the intensity of hispenetrating stare almost made me want to run and hide.
“You have a tell when you lie, you know that?”
I scrunched my face. “No, I don’t.”
William smiled. “Right there. You blink your eyes for half a second too long.”
I paused fixing his tie and kept my hands on the ends. “When?”
“Just now. Then there was that time when you were thirteen. You told Lindsey that Elle was getting ice cream around the corner when she was really kissing that boy next door. It was like you were blinking Morse code.” William’s handsome smile widened. “Plus, I overheard you guys rehearsing what you’d say in her bedroom a thousand times.”
I laughed. “Wow.”
“You don’t lie often, so you never got good at it.”
