Amaranth had never hated it, and maybe he didn’t have to either.
CHAPTER SEVEN
“Shit. Fuck. Shit,” Derek cursed, staring at himself in the mirror. He ignored the laugh behind him as he ran his comb through his hair one last time, all-but destroying any positive effect the pomade might have had. A few locks of hair flopped down over his forehead and he groaned, turning to a smirking Sam who was lounging on his bed with one leg hooked up under his arm and hugged to his chest. “This is going to be a disaster.”
Sam released his leg, using his hands to shift himself to the edge of the bed, and he beckoned Derek over. “Maybe,” he conceded as Derek knelt in front of him. He spread a little more product on his fingers and began to fuss with Derek’s hair again. “But it probably won’t be. The worst that can happen is that you don’t like each other. Sage trusts this guy, right? And you know as well as I do, he wouldn’t set you up with some asshole.” Sam gave both his shoulders a firm pat and sat back a little, but Derek didn’t stand back up just yet.
“I just,” he started, then shook his head and flopped back onto his ass.
“You just can’t stop thinking of your hot florist?” Sam offered.
Derek flushed but couldn’t deny it. “I just don’t know how I fucked up so bad.”
“It was a miscommunication,” Sam told him gently. “But you said the guy wasn’t interested in you anyway, which is why you’re doing this whole blind date thing.”
Derek shrugged, letting himself fall all the way onto his back, and he stared up at the ceiling. He didn’t look over when he heard a gentle thud as Sam hit the ground, and he shuffled up next to him so they could lay shoulder to shoulder. “I’m trying to be a fucking adult about this, but I feel like some idiot teenager discovering his first crush.”
Sam shifted onto his side, propping his head up on his elbow and looked at Derek carefully. “You didn’t really get to have that, did you? The simple, easy middle school crush?”
Derek dragged a hand down his face, then turned his head to look at his friend. “I mean, yes and no. I had my first crush—his name was Brent, and he was in eighth grade and the captain of the soccer team. One day in PE some fuck-face threw a dodge ball and hit me on the temple and damn-near knocked my ass out. I came to with Brent holding an ice pack to the back of my neck and gently calling my name. It was like…some shit out of Titanic or something. Music played, Celine Dion was there.”
Sam chuckled quietly, nudging him in the ribs with his free hand. “You’re such a fucking nerd.”
Derek shrugged, unrepentant. “For that ten minutes, I felt like a normal kid. Til I got home and my old man started in on me for being a pussy because of course the nurse called him. I never spoke to Brent again after that. I was petrified my dad would find out and…” He shuddered and didn’t let his head go there. “So, I guess yeah. I mean, I did get those moments, but I never really got to hold on to them.”
“Maybe you’re just making up for it now,” Sam suggested.
Derek closed his eyes and sighed out a lungful of air. “I’m a grown-ass adult, Sammy. I don’t want some teenage crush on theboy I can never have. I want something normal—something that makes me feel good. All of my relationships up to this point have been for fucking and free tattoos and I’m exhausted. And Sage had it once—all the good shit—the Katherine and Tony shit. Then he fucking died, and I keep thinking, what if we’re just cursed, me and him? I’ll never find someone who wants me for me and not for what I can give them, and he’ll never get to keep the people he loves.”
“I don’t believe in curses,” Sam said after a beat. He laid back down and let his head rest against the side of Derek’s shoulder. “And trust me, a guy like me—paralyzed as a kid, now fighting to keep the child I rescued—I’m prone to falling into those black holes. I don’t know if this Basil guy will ever mean anything to you in the long run, but I do know it means something right now that he’s getting you to feel things you wouldn’t let yourself feel before. And the fact that you’re going out tonight on this date? You have no fucking idea how proud I am.”
Derek felt his chest tighten, so he rolled over and punched Sam lightly. “You’re so gross right now.” He pushed himself to his feet with a grunt, then pushed Sam’s chair over to him before walking back to the wall mirror and staring at himself all over again. “I guess this is the best I’m going to do.”
Sam wheeled up behind him and slapped him on the ass. “Your worst is every other man’s Vanity Fair cover, dickhead. Go have fun, okay? And if it sucks, come back here and you can watch The Emperor’s New Groove with me and May for the six-hundredth time this week. Deal?”
Derek couldn’t help but grin. “Deal.”
The guy’sname was Niko, and he’d been texting Derek off and on for the last two days leading up to the date. He hadn’t been pushy when Derek was busy, tired, or just not in the mood to be chatty, and he hadn’t seemed like a martyr about it either which was a huge tick in the positive column for this guy. Derek tried to use Sam’s pep talk topsych himself up as he approached the little Italian bistro, but his nerves were still on high alert.
He was grateful Niko had picked a place that had a calm ambiance, and he wondered if maybe Sage had warned the guy that loud noises and chaotic atmospheres were too much for Derek to deal with in public. Or maybe the guy was just perceptive. He wanted to think the latter, mostly because he was ready to start feeling like a normal, grown adult man who dated and socialized.
Walking in, he approached the hostess who quickly led him back to the table where Niko was waiting. He was dressed casually—jeans and a polo shirt—but he looked elegant in a surprising way. His arms were toned, his glasses added another layer of appeal to his already gorgeous face, and when he smiled, his eyes lit up with it.
He extended his hand as Derek approached, then waited for him to sit before he did the same. “Hey. Can I just say that this is a little weird?”
Derek froze halfway to reaching for his napkin. “Uh…why? Did my brother bribe you into this or something?”
Niko laughed which showed off a twin pair of dimples in his cheeks. “No, man. Of course not. Just…he talked about you so much, and it’s not like I haven’t met twins before, but you two have the same face.”
Derek felt his cheeks heat up and a pang of worry flare to life in his gut because generally, people who liked Sage weren’t into him once they got to know him. The two of them were identical twins, but their bodies were exactly where the similarities ended. Sage had always been quieter, and more reserved, and definitely more well behaved. It was probably why his father hadn’t noticed him as often as he noticed Derek. Sage had always been more level-headed, had always dealt with things better.
Even after the death of Ted, he was living his life, and Derek didn’t know if he’d ever be that strong.
“Sorry,” Niko said at Derek’s continued silence, “was that super offensive?”
Derek huffed a laugh. “No, no, it’s not that. Just…Sage and I aren’t exactly alike. Apart from the whole identical twin thing, our personalities are like night and day.”
The corner of Niko’s mouth twitched up. “He did mention that, you know. Part of why I agreed to go out on this date.”
