“I’m sorry. Fuck, Alexio.” His voice was shaking so hard he could barely get the words out. Unable to stop myself, I pressed my hands to his waist and tugged him until his chest met mine. “I fucked up. I fucked up so bad, and I’m so sorry.”
“Breathe,” I ordered. “Come on, Sparky. Breathe for me.”
He tried. I’d give him that. He was wheezing, and the inhale was stiff, but he was still obeying me.
“Good boy.”
He groaned, shaking his head before dropping his face against my collarbone. “No. I’m not good. I fucked up.”
One of my hands moved to his hair, combing through his gentle waves. It was soft against my fingertips. And gorgeous. “How did you fuck up? Did you test positive for something?”
“I—what?” He pulled back, his brows up. “No! Did you? But we haven’t, you know…done that much.”
I couldn’t help a small smile. “We’ve done enough. But no, I didn’t. And if you did test positive, it’s something we can fix, okay? Medications, treatments, condoms…”
“No! Jesus, no, I…” He squeezed his eyes shut, bowing his head. “Vanya knows.”
“About?”
“This.” He smacked me on the chest, then himself. “About us. That you were at my house last night.”
I still didn’t see what the problem was, but I had to ask. “Okay, how? You told him?”
Jonah pulled back and dug into his pocket, and a moment later, my breath fled my chest. My coin. My fucking coin! Thank fuck. “This was on my floor. I found it when I was looking for my phone. Vanya recognized it.”
I took it from him and felt the familiar comfort of its weight against my palm. I knew it was actually nothing. I knew I wouldn’t suddenly lose all my hockey skill if I didn’t have it, but it was one of the few tangible memories I had of my dad.
“Thank you. I was looking for this.”
“Yeah, but…” Jonah bit his lip, then shook his head again. “Vanya’s going to tell people you were at my house. And even if he doesn’t get it, other people will.”
I stared down at him, then took him by the chin and lifted his face up. I looked into his painted eyes—somehow so real. So full of nerves and pain. “What’s the problem, Jonah? Because you’re in the closet.”
“What? I mean…no. I haven’t told everyone yet, but…no. That’s not it.”
“You’re ashamed of me, then?” That stung. Saying the words felt like speaking around thorns in my throat.
His eyes went wider, and his cheeks pinked. “Oh my god, no! Are you—of course I’m not ashamed. But…”
I waited patiently and silently, stroking a touch down his spine because he seemed to need that right then.
He leaned back against me slightly. “You don’t like me.”
“Says who? Did someone fucking tell you that?”
He scoffed and took a step back, breaking my hold on him. “Uh, yeah. You did.”
“Jonah,” I started.
He cut me off with a shake of his head. “Come on, Alexio. You’ve made it very obvious you can’t stand me.”
“I’ve made you come. A lot. I ate your ass and loved it,” I reminded him. His face bloomed red, and his hand flew to his dick, stroking downward like he was trying to hide his erection. “I don’t do those things to people I don’t like.”
“I—but.” He swallowed heavily. “Our first time…”
“Okay,” I conceded. “I didn’t love your attitude back then, and I thought you might be kind of…cruel. But I was wildly attracted to you. I liked that.”
“You’re a dick,” he spat, but he was starting to smile.
