CHAPTER TEN
JONAH
The factthat I managed to keep a straight face—though it didn’t feel so straight anymore—when the guys came back was a miracle. Or maybe they were just used to my weird expressions. I’d never quite mastered the whole “acting like a sighted person” thing.
Everything my face did was instinct, so I thought by now my friends had started to ignore when my face went on weird journeys. But I was grateful that one of the things sighted people couldn’t immediately see was when someone got laid.
Otherwise, I’d have been so fucked.
So to speak.
Being that Ihadbeen so fucked.
Alexio didn’t say another word apart from telling Vanya they had to leave, and that was a slow exit because Vanya refused to go until I agreed to let him come over to meet Athena.
“Please,” he begged. “I see her Instagram, and she is best kitten. I must meet.”
“You can come over after our roadie. We get back from Denver on Tuesday, and I’ll cook dinner.”
“No, no. You let me cook. I bring you the good Russian food, okay? You will love. My mama, she teach me all her secret family recipes, and it will make you happy. Grow up strong.”
“I’m literally a grown man,” I reminded him.
He just laughed and clapped me on the shoulder before kissing my cheek. “Is okay, we give you a few more inches. Trust me.”
Then they were gone, and things went…well. Not back to normal, but back to something.
Tucker and Boden promised they’d help me find a few more facilities to call, and Killian promised he’d spend the rest of the week looking in on my dad when I couldn’t. It was…something. But as the afternoon wore on, I became more and more aware of the fact that I couldn’t leave my dad alone.
He got up two hours after Alexio left and had a shaking panic attack about strangers in his home. Tucker eventually ushered everyone except Killian out, and we managed to get him calm and give him a Xanax, which helped him a little.
Killian ordered out for dinner, and my dad sat in his chair, and the room was filled with a heavy silence for far too long.
“I have a son, you know,” he eventually said.
My gut twisted. “Yeah. More than one, right?”
“Mm. Twins?—”
“No, Dad,” I said from behind a sigh. “Not twins. Micah’s younger than I am.”
“No, no. Those boys are twins. Look just alike. Same thing, you know? Can’t see. No eyes.”
I bowed my head and pressed my thumbs into my eyes. “Mhm.”
“Caleb, he’s the good one. He’s not like the other two. I was able to show him things. He could see a little. Didn’t fuck that one up.”
My throat went hot and tight. It was hard hearing him speak all the things I used to be afraid of every time I was in the same room as him. Because my childhood was filled with long, tense silences too, wondering if he was still in the room. Wondering if he was just sitting there staring at me.
Hating me.
Resenting me.
Regretting me.
In that moment, I wished I were back pressed up against the wall with my fingers in Alexio’s mouth, shutting him up as he jacked us off. I could still smell his come on my skin if I focused on it hard enough.
But I wasn’t back there with him. I was here, and Alexio was long gone.
