“They don’t know,” Nikos admitted. “The concussion is pretty bad, and he’s not processing everything very well right now.”
Of course he wasn’t. Of fucking course he wasn’t. Half the guys on my team were still processing their own sight loss, and they’d been coping for years.
“Please don’t take that personally,” Nikos said softly.
I frowned. “What—oh. God, honey, no. No. It’s not the same. I’ve been like this my entire life. No, I’m—I don’t expect him to be okay about it.”
“The doctor said we need to give it time for the swelling to go down. He’s on a lot of drugs, and when he’s awake, he’s been having cluster panic attacks.”
“I want to see him.”
Nikos was dead silent. Then he let out a sharp exhale. “You can’t.”
I wanted to say something sarcastic and snarky. To ask him if that was a poor attempt at a blind joke. But I knew it wasn’t. I wanted to throw up on my shoes. “Why not?”
“He doesn’t want anyone else in his room. He won’t let Vanya in either. He had me kicked out twice but then called me back in because he’s scared to be alone. You just…you need to give him some time, okay?”
“Did you tell him I was here?”
“Yes,” Nikos said quietly.
“What did he say?” When Nikos met me with silence, I elbowed him. Hard.
He grunted, then sighed. “Promise me you won’t hold this against him.”
“I promise.” I didn’t mean it. Maybe I would. Maybe I wouldn’t.
Nikos squeezed my arm. “He said, ‘Not him.’ Then he turned over and didn’t speak to me again.”
Fuck.
I backed up. I couldn’t help it. My legs hit something solid, and I collapsed onto someone’s lap. It took me a second to recognize Vanya’s grasp on me. I was shaking apart, and I wanted to cry, but everything in me felt stuck.
“Jonah,” Tucker said after a long moment of silence, “maybe we should go.”
“No.” No. I couldn’t leave. What if Alexio changed his mind and asked for me, and I was so far away that by the time I got here, he changed his mind back? No. I couldn’t risk it.
“He can stay with me,” Vanya murmured, holding me a little tighter. “I can drive home after.”
Tucker hesitated, then said very softly, “Okay. But call me if you need me.”
I hummed and nodded, but I didn’t mean it. I wasn’t going to call him. I was going to rot here in this goddamn waiting room until I could put my hands on Alexio and know that he was still with me.
That all of it was going to be okay.
