“Everything is spiraling into chaos anyway,” says Cardan. “Might as well have some fun. Don’t you think, Jude?”
I take a deep breath. If he undermines my position here, if he manages to make me an outsider, then I am never going to get the Court of Shadows to go along with the plan that is still jumbled up in my head. I can’t seem to figure out how to help anyone. The last thing I need is him making everything worse.
“What did he offer you?” I ask, like we’re all in on the same joke. Yes, it’s a gamble. Maybe Cardan didn’t offer them anything at all.
I try not to seem like I’m holding my breath. I try not to show how small Cardan makes me feel.
The Ghost gives me one of his rare smiles. “Mostly gold, but also power. Position.”
“A lot of things he hasn’t got,” said the Bomb.
“I thought we were friends,” Cardan says halfheartedly.
“I’m going to take him in the back,” I say, putting my hand on thetop of the chair in a proprietary fashion. I need to get him out of the room before he gets the better of me in front of them. I need to get him away now.
“And do what?” asks the Roach.
“He’smyprisoner,” I remind them, squatting down and slicing through the strips of my dress still tying his legs to the chair. I realize he must have slept this way, sitting upright, if he slept at all. But he doesn’t look tired. He smiles down at me, as if the reason I’m on my knees is because I am curtsying.
I want to wipe that smile off his face, but maybe I can’t. Maybe he’ll go on smiling that way to his grave.
“Can’t we stay out here?” Cardan asks me. “There’s wine out here.”
That makes the Roach snicker. “Something bothering you, princeling? You and Jude don’t get along after all?”
Cardan’s expression shifts into something that appears to resemble worry. Good.
I lead him into Dain’s office, which I guess I’ve just commandeered for my own. He walks unsteadily, his legs stiff from being bound. Also possibly because he has helped my crew down several bottles of wine. No one stops me from taking him, though. I close the door and turn the lock.
“Sit down,” I tell him, pointing to a chair.
He does.
I walk around, settling myself on the other side of the desk.
It occurs to me that if I kill him, I can finally stop thinking about him. If I kill him, I won’t have to feel like this anymore.
Without him, there’s no clear path to putting Oak on the throne. I’d have to trust that Madoc had some way of forcing Balekin intocrowning him. Without him, I have no cards to play. No plan. No helping my brother. No nothing.
Maybe it would be worth it.
The crossbow is where I left it, in the drawer of Dain’s desk. I draw it out, cock it back, and point it at Cardan. He draws a ragged breath.
“You’re going to shoot me?” He blinks. “Right now?”
My finger caresses the trigger. I feel calm, gloriously calm. This is weakness, to put fear above ambition, above family, above love, but it feels good. It feels like being powerful.
“I can see why you’d want to,” he says, as though reading my face and coming to some decision. “But I’d really prefer if you didn’t.”
“Then you shouldn’t have smirked at me constantly—you think I am going to stand being mocked, here, now? You still so sure you’re better than me?” My voice shakes a little, and I hate him even more for it. I have trained every day to be dangerous, and he is entirely in my power, yet I’m the one who is afraid.
Fearing him is a habit, a habit I could break with a bolt to his heart.
He holds up his hands in protest, long bare fingers splayed. I am the one with the royal ring. “I’m nervous,” he says. “I smile a lot when I’m nervous. I can’t help it.”
That is not at all what I expected him to say. I lower the crossbow momentarily.
He keeps talking, as though he doesn’t want to leave me too much time to think. “You areterrifying. Nearly my whole family is dead, and while they never had much love for me, I don’t want to join them. I’ve spent all night worrying what you’re going to do, and I know exactly what I deserve. I have a reason to be nervous.” He’s talking to me as though we’re friends instead of enemies. It works, too: I relax a little.When I realize that, I am nearly freaked out enough to shoot him outright.
