He smiles. “She drew little dicks on my face.”
I burst out laughing. “She what? Is this Lanie?” I ask. He’s mentioned a few other childhood friends before, but Lanie seems to have meant something special to him. A ping of jealousy hits me.
Suddenly, Bray’s hand cups my cheek, and I look up at him.
“I never liked Lanie like that. I…she was sick,” he says, his eyes well with tears, and I suddenly feel like the biggest ass ever.
“I’m sorry. I…didn’t know,” I whisper. I suddenly have so many questions. What was wrong with her? She’s clearly still alive. Did he get sick, too? Why had he never told me that before?
His thumb strokes my skin, and he blinks back the tears before he goes back to wiping my face. “I don’t talk about it a lot,” he starts. I watch his face as he concentrates on his task. “We were in first grade when she got diagnosed with leukemia. She was pretty sick. I didn’t know what that was. My parents explained it, but all I heard was that she could die. Our family dog had just died, so I knew that meant goodbye forever. And something about that flipped a switch inside me. I decided then and there that I would never get that close to someone again because they might die. Somehow, years later, that translated to me never wanting to get into a serious relationship. So I never dated anyone more than a few months.”
“Ever?” I ask.
“Never. I’ve had hookup buddies and a few short-term relationships, but that’s it. I had a string of one-night stands in college,” he admits. “Not that I’m proud of that.”
I reach up and touch his face. “I don’t want to be your hookup buddy,” I say softly, suddenly feeling brave and wanting to make my feelings very clear.
He stops scrubbing my face, and his gaze meets mine. “I don’t want that either, Carly. I’m scared shitless, but I want you, I want it all with you.”
He releases a deep breath, and I crane my head up and kiss him. He kisses me back tenderly before pulling away.
“Almost done. Close your eyes,” he says as he continues to wipe around my eyes. “I think it took me hearing that you were dating for me to snap out of it. I couldn’t stomach knowing another man would touch you.”
“Another man has touched me,” I point out.
He stills, and I open my eyes.
He’s clenching his jaw. “I know. And I hate that. But it gave us Ava, so I’ll learn to live with it.”
That makes me giggle for reasons I can’t explain.
His serious look fades. “What’s so funny?” he asks.
“Just you,” I say as I lean up and kiss his cheek.
“Close your eyes,” he demands. But instead of being so serious, I see his lips twitch as he fights a smile.
I comply, and he goes back to gently scrubbing around them. After a minute, he pulls his hand away. I open my eyes and search his.
“So, we’re going to do this, then?” I say softly because I’m almost afraid to ask. I don’t want it to end. I don’t want him to say no.
He leans his forehead against mine. “Yes. We are most definitely going to do this.”
“So, I should cancel my date, then?” I tease.
“You better cancel it,” he growls.
I laugh again. “OK, caveman. I’m canceling it.”
I try to hop down to get my phone, but he presses himself harder between my legs, blocking me from leaving. I can feel the sizeable bulge in his pants. Holy shit! I hadn’t really thought about having sex with Bray. I haven’t thought about having sex in more than three years. Do my lady parts still work?
“Do you feel what you do to me?” he says in a raspy voice that draws my thoughts away from mortifying territory.
I nod.
“I only want you,” he says as he pushes hair away from my face and kisses me once more. This time I wrap my arms and legs around him and keep him tightly against me.
His lips are warm against mine. His stubble grazes my skin as we both pour ourselves into the kiss. He’s slow and sensual. His tongue and lips leave my mouth after a minute. He kisses and sucks along my jaw and down the column of my neck. He buries his face there, pressing his mouth to my pulse point.
