“A lot?” he asks, turning more toward me.
I sigh and let my head drop back on the cushion. I can’t look at him if I’m doing this truth thing. It’s too intense.
“At first…no. I was so hurt and scared. I didn’t think at all about men like that. But then…I don’t know. I’d see you with Ava, or you’d hug me and…it felt…” I trail off at a loss for words.
“Like home?” he asks.
My head whips to the side, my gaze meeting his.
“Yeah,” I whisper as I turn so we’re both leaning our heads against the back cushion while watching one another.
“I feel the same. I…well, there’s a lot you don’t know about me. That’s all for another day. But for as long as I can remember, I’ve never wanted to get too close to people out of fear of losing them,” he explains.
I frown. “But…you work in the ER, like you literally lose people all the time,” I say, my brows furrowing in confusion.
“I know, but…I don’t know them, so it’s different,” he explains. “And the rest of the time, I’m helping to fix people and make them feel better, so it sort of helps balance things out.”
“I see,” I reply. He’s quiet, and clearly it’s my turn to explain exactly why I friend-zoned him. But I’m also curious as to what happened in his childhood.
Sighing, I decide to be honest. “Aside from not being ready to be with a man again, I just figured you had friend-zoned me, and that was all we could ever be. So, I accepted it and moved on, well, not really moved on because I didn’t consider dating until recently. But…you get it, right?”
He reaches out and caresses my cheek. “I never friend-zoned you. I thought you friend-zoned me. I knew you were getting over your ex, so at first I didn’t want to even approach you in that way. But then, after years of being your friend, only your friend, I guess I gave up on the idea that we’d ever be more.”
I shake my head. “I never wanted to friend-zone you,” I say softly. I lick my lips, and his gaze drops to watch my tongue. I swallow hard. “And honestly, it’s hard being a mom. I don’t look the same as I did before. I…I have a hard time thinking about myself as sexy or desirable,” I admit.
His thumb stops rubbing my cheek, and he pulls himself closer to me. “Fuck, Carly. I’m sorry I made you doubt how beautiful you are. You’re stunning. I always thought you were. But our first several interactions made me think that you only saw me as a friend. And I know in that moment you really needed a friend and not some guy trying to hit on you, so I tried to be that man for you. But it’s gotten harder and harder to be him. The more I know you, the more I see of you…” He pauses, and my cheeks heat at the memory of him seeing me naked a few weeks ago. “You’re the most beautiful woman I know,” he adds, his voice low and raspy.
“I am?” I whisper, my voice so low that it’s barely audible.
“You are,” he replies, his gaze dropping to my mouth again.
“Should we start chatting in the app before we go on a date?” I tease because this all feels too intense.
“Don’t do that,” he states.
“Do what?” I ask.
“Shy away from what we both want because you’re scared,” he says, and for the first time in a long time, I want to kiss a man.
I lean forward as the sky lights up in hues of purple and pink around us. “Then, kiss me,” I say.
He takes my head in his hands as our gazes stay locked.
“We’re really going to do this?” I whisper.
“I think we owe it to each other to at least kiss. Don’t you think?” he replies in a low voice.
“OK,” I reply, and without another word, his lips crash against mine.
My eyelids flutter closed as we stay still, our lips pressed together. And then it’s like a dam breaks. We’re moving. My arms come around his neck, pulling him to me. His hands drop from my face to my hips. He pulls me onto his lap, his hands kneading my ass as I grind on him. His tongue traces my lips, and I part them in a gasp. He uses that as his window to explore my mouth. Tongues and teeth crash against each other. It’s almost a frenzy, but not quite. There’s some undercurrent of control on his part. I, on the other hand, am losing it. I need more. I’ve missed this feeling. God, why have I waited so long?
We kiss for what feels like minutes, but I lose track of time. When we pull away, we’re breathless. Both of our chests heave. Our eyes open again, and we sit there staring at each other in awe.
“Yeah, we should have done that a long time ago,” he says as he runs his fingers over a strand of my hair and tucks it behind my ear.
“Agree,” I say as I pant.
I look around us, realizing the sun is nearly set. The sky is starting to turn from oranges, pinks, and purples into blues.
