But watching something Ellie built from scratch? Watching the thing that she’s carefully constructed for all these months?
Yeah, I’m a little nervous.
Halfway through, the main actor, April, begins her monologue to Leo, who sits on a prop bench, watching her pace back and forth. For some reason, I’m completely entranced. The guys would totally be giving me shit if they saw me right now.
“And you know what no one tells you about love? That it’s terrifying. At first it feels easy. You’ll have the butterflies and the late-night phone calls. You’ll get that warm and fuzzy feelin’ when you see their name light up your screen. You’ll believe in all the promises and all the dreams.” April pauses, walking to the other end of the stage, and whipping back to face Leo. “But the terrifying part is what comes after all that. The moment you realize that this person matters enough to hurt you, that they have the means to change you, that losing them would actually break something inside your chest.”
Leo stands, but April, or Sherri, or whatever the hell her name is tells him to sit back down.
“I’m not finished, Charlie,” she chastises. “Now where was I?”
“The terror of love,” Leo’s character says, and the audience chuckles.
“Right. That’s when fear shows up. You keep one foot out the door, ready to walk away at any moment because it would be better to walk away than to get your heart broken. You realize that you have no control over what happens to you,” she continues, tears flowing down her cheeks. Damn, this girl is good.
“Charlie, I see you. I see exactly who you are…flaws, fears, and all. And I choose you. That’s the bravest thing you can do, you know. Choose someone, completely, no backup plans. I know you think your life is over because of the factory going under. But you are more than that place. There is more than one version of who you thought you’d be.
And loving me? God, loving me doesn’t change who you are. It just reminds you that your life is bigger when it’s shared.”
Suddenly, my knee isn’t bobbing anymore, my palms aren’t clammy, and my focus is on the woman in the wings. The woman that I love. The stubborn, determined, beautiful woman that I should have fought for all those years ago.
A few months ago, all I was worried about was when I was getting back in the game. I thought I’d never be whole again. Now? I’ve never been more certain of anything in my life. Ellie Monroe is it for me. She’s my reason, and hockey is a bonus.
The curtain drops, and for a second the auditorium is quiet. No one moves; no one speaks.
And when the curtains open again to reveal the cast, the auditorium explodes with applause and cheers. Everyone is on their feet. I’m already standing before I realize it, clapping so hardmy palms sting.
While everyone looks at the stage, I look for her.
When the curtain finally closes for good, the audience begins to file out, and I head backstage. I don’t know if I’m supposed to be back here, but who gives a fuck? I need to congratulate my girl.
Backstage is chaos. The cast is crying and hugging, parents are handing them flowers and telling them how well they did even if all they did was stand there the entire time.
I push my way through, hoping to find Ellie through all the craziness. And then I see her. Everything else fades. When she’s in front of me, I see the tears in her eyes and the proud smile on her lips.
“You did it, baby” I say, my voice rougher than I expect.
Her breath shakes out in a laugh. “I did, didn’t I?”
“You fucking crushed it. I’m so proud of you.”
Her eyes search mine, like she’s checking for doubt. For sarcasm.
Her throat bobs as she swallows. “You came.”
I huff a quiet laugh. “Of course I came.”
“I didn’t think this would be your thing,” she says softly.
I grab her face between my palms, forcing her to look directly at me.
“You are my thing, and I’ll do anything for you, Ellie Monroe,” I tell her, and her tears begin to flow freely down her pink cheeks. “I’m not going anywhere.”
Not for a contract.
Not for money.
Not for fear.
