“I miss him too. Is he home?” I ask, and she nods.
“Yeah, he’s in the shower. Now, enough about him. How are things over in Jamie land?” she asks with a mischevious smile.
A broken laugh slips out of me, thin and tired.
Lainey goes quiet instantly.
“Oh no. What happened?”
I swallow, but the lump in my throat doesn’t move. “Nothing happened. He’s just… he’s almost healed, Laine.”
She doesn’t say anything, but I can tell she already understands where this is going.
“Physical therapy’s almost done,” I practically whisper. “He’ll be cleared to skate soon. To go back to the NHL, back to his real life.”
Her expression softens. “El…”
My chest tightens, pressure building fast as I try to hold it together. But I’m so tired of pretending I’m fine.
“I was careful this time,” I say, my voice shaking. “I kept my distance. I told myself it was in the past, and the closeness wouldn’t bring back any old feelings.” My eyes begin to burn as they fill with tears. “I told myself I wouldn’t let this happen again.”
A tear spills out and runs down my warm cheeks, and I finally say the words that I’ve been trying my best to avoid.
“I fell in love with him, Lainey.”
The confession hangs in the air between us for a few seconds before I continue.
“And I’m so mad at myself for it,” I choke. “Because Iknewhow this would end. I knew he’d leave. He always does.”
My shoulders begin to shake as I let the tears spill. Lainey stays quiet, letting me get my emotions out into the open. This all seems ridiculous because he hasn’t even said he’s going to leave. But I know where it’s going. I just know.
“I just got him back,” I whisper. “And now I’m losing him again.”
After a few deep breaths, I wipe my tears.
“You falling in love isn’t a mistake, Ellie.”
“It is if he doesn’t stay.”
“No,” she says gently. “You can’t help who you love, El.”
I squeeze my eyes shut.
“You warned me, Laine. You told me not to let my guard down, and I did it anyway.I let him worm his way into my heart again.”
Lainey sits up straighter, pulling her long, curly hair over her shoulder.
“Have you told him?”
My laugh is hollow.
“God, no. Why would I do that?”
“Because he probably feels the same. He pursued you, El.”
“He might,” I shrug. “But even if he did, it wouldn’t matter. Hockey will always come first for him.”
“Is that Ellie?” Holland’s voice asks in the background. My heart stops. Oh fuck.
