“Because I’m going to do everything in my power to make it impossible for you not to.”
My heart does a summersault, and butterflies erupt in my stomach. He seems so confident, like it’s not even in the realm of possibility for me to stay mad at him forever.
As much as I want to prove him wrong, I fear that he may actually be right.
I may not be strong enough to stay pissed at him forever. I don’t know if Ieven want to.
Chapter 13
Ellie
T
he hot water cascades over my skin while the scent of my shampoo and body wash wraps around me. It was a long day, and I’m ready to lay down and go to bed. After Jamie left me in the auditorium reeling from our conversation, I sat alone in the quiet, dark room for an hour before finally heading home.
“Because I’m going to do everything in my power to make it impossible for you not to.”
What the hell does he mean by that? Why does he want me to forgive him so badly? He didn’t care how I felt back then, why would he care how I feelnow?
The questions swirl around in my head like a tornado. Could I even forgive him? I mean, I can already feel my resolve cracking just from being around him. What does that say about me?
I’m weak. I’m weak and stupid and I know if he continues being in my orbit, I’m going to fold and I will forgive him.
Even if I do forgive him, I won’t let him in again. I need to get through this semester without any hiccups. He is an unexpected hurdle that I need to face. Maybe if I do forgive him, he’ll leave me the hell alone and the weight that feels like a constant reminder of him will be gone. I can move on and focus solely on what I came here to do which is direct this show and prove to myself that I can do this.
Jamie Patterson is not going to get in the way of my dreams. I will not let him dictate my thoughts. Even though that’s exactly what he’s doing right now. He’s gotten into my head and he knows it.
He was so close. So damn close to me today, and I could feel every fiber of my being clawing at me to reach out and touch him. Feel him. Every part of me wants to say fuck it and forget about our past.
I haven’t been that close with a man in forever, and I’d forgotten how good it feels to have someone so close to you. We never touched. His hands were gripping the desk on either side of me, his face was inches from mine, but we never touched. I could feel the tension between us, which means he felt it too.
I don’t know what had gotten into him. This whole time he’s been keeping his distance, yet he came to see me after practice to what? To tell me that he knows I’ll forgive him? He really is a cocky asshole, isn’t he.
Frustrated with myself for the thoughts and feelings overtaking my body, I scrub my skin a bit too hard in hopes that the feeling will take away the dull ache between my legs as I think of Jamie.
I lay wrapped in my towel on my bed as a scroll through my phone, stopping to watch a few silly videos here and there. The screen lights up with Lainey’s picture as my phone vibrates in my hand.
“How goes it, Professor Monroe?” Lainey asks with a teasing lilt to her voice. I chuckle before rolling my eyes.
“Just peachy,” I say sarcastically.
Her face twists in question. “Did that asshole Patterson do something? Are you okay?”
“He didn’t do anything. Not yet at least. He’s just…” I trail off, trying to think of the right words.
“Don’t let him get into your head, Ellie.” Too late.
“I know, I’m not. He’s just everywhere and it’s getting difficult to avoid him,” I explain. “He showed up at my rehearsal today.”
Lainey’s eyes widen. “For what reason?”
“He said he was passing by,” I shrug, twirling a piece of wet hair around my finger nervously. “He told me he knows I’ll forgive him.”
She scoffs. “He what? Why would he say that? There’s no way in hell you’re going to forgive his stupid ass.”
My eyes dart away from the screen and I feel my cheeks heat as Lainey glares at me through the screen. I can’t lie to her, and I don’t know if what she says is true.
“Ellie Monroe. You are not going to forgive that man, right? He may be a hot hockey player, but he hurt you. He does not deserve your forgiveness. You’re too good for him,” she declares. I know she's right. I know what he did, and I know the pain he caused. I just… he seems so different from the boy I knew. Sure, he’s still cocky and a bit arrogant. He knows how to push my buttons and what to say to get me riled up. Jesus, I don’t even know why I’m entertaining this.
