“So you’re dating now,” Alex says.
It’s not a question, but I nod anyway. “I guess you could say that …” I start hesitantly, but at his narrowing eyes, I know I need to be more definitive about this. “Yeah. Yes. We’re dating now. So, I’m asking again, have you changed your mind about that? Because before you said you’d get on board if it made me happy.”
He sighs, dropping his face into his hands and rubbing it furiously, but before he can respond, Matty is jumping in, shooting his brother a pointed glare. “We haven't changed our minds, Mom. We want that for you. And if Riley is the guy …” he trails off.
“I think he could be,” I reply softly, unable to meet their eyes. “It’s still early, but I want to give this a chance if you guys really are okay with it.” I force myself to look at Alex once more, who shrugs and glances away.
“I guess if he’s the reason for the smile you had when I walked in, then I’m okay with it,” he grumbles, then adds sullenly, “it’s fuckin weird to think about, though, Mom, and I don’t want to see any kissing.”
My face flushes, and I chuckle to hide my embarrassment. “Got it, no kissing,” I agree, as I move back to the stove to serve the pancakes. I add sliced strawberries to each plate, busying myself unnecessarily with arranging them just so, knowing my boyswon’t appreciate the presentation but needing the moment to regain my composure.
“Wow, you must really like this guy,” Matt observes, and I glance over at him.
“Why do you say that?”
“Because you just blushed and giggled at the mention of kissing him,” he singsongs, his voice teasing. “And you didn't even call Alex out for his language.”
Oh. I hadn't even noticed.
Alex squeezes his eyes shut and groans, his knuckles white where he grips his fork.
I chuckle again but don’t respond as I carry the plates over to the table, placing them down in front of the boys, then returning to grab my own.
“Well, eat up,” I say, happy to change the subject. “And then we can get to those presents.”
Hegotthemabrand new PS5 gaming console with the latestFinal Fantasy,Madden 25, andGod of Rock. The fact he took the time to select both a football game for Matty and a music one for Alex nearly had me in tears.
We’ve seen each other a few times and have been talking on the phone pretty much every night since that day on the ridge after Thanksgiving. Sometimes we have long conversations, where I imagine him on the other end of the line, stretched out and shirtless on his bed, delicious tattoos on display, and a grumpy little Connor curled up at his feet. On those nights, I can’t stop grinning into the phone and can hear the matching smile in his voice when he insists on staying on the line until I fall asleep.
Other times, it’s just a quick ‘good night’ check-in while he’s on his break at the bar, but no matter the night, I look forward to his call. I both love and hate the giddy feeling that spreads throughout my chest and causes butterflies to dance in my belly when I’m finally able to crawl into bed and whisper to him about my day. It’s been so long since I’ve had that.
Even in the early days with Sam, it wasn't ever like this. I never felt like he wanted to hear about the minutia of my life, let alone my worries or fears—but Riley does. He wants to know everything. He wants to support me. And honestly, it’s been wonderful getting to know him again. We’ve both changed and grown. There’s a wealth of life experience between us now, and we’ve each had our share of hardships, yet it still feels comfortingly familiar. It’s still us, only … more mature. Stronger.Better.
And I love that.
Now that we’ve cleared the air and no secrets remain, I've found he’s not one to shy away from hard conversations. Not anymore. He’s been open with me about his time in prison andhis wandering years afterward, and I’ve shared some more about my marriage and … about the boys. He’s hungry for every bit of information about Matty, but I’m touched by how closely he pays attention when I speak about Alex as well. He asks about each of their likes and hobbies and how they’re doing in school. I love that he wants to know all about them and about me, though it does scare me, too. Everything is happening so fast.
I can feel myself falling.
Again.
I just pray he doesn’t break me irreparably this time around.
I’m interrupted from my musings by the chirp of my phone indicating I have a message.
Riley
Are you up?
Steph
Am I having deja vu?
Riley
I’m outside
Not this again.
