“I know. Okay, I know.Now. And I’ve moved past those feelings … mostly. I understand that you thought you were doing the right thing once you realized you were going to prison. But you still ghosted me before that. Not just me, but your brother. Your mother—”
“I’m not that man anymore,” he interrupts, his voice rising.
“So you say. And I think that’s probably true. A lot of time has passed, and you’ve no doubt grown. But …” I trail off, unsure if I should continue. I’m supposed to be groveling here, but I need to think about Matty.
“I want to know my son,” he says quietly.
I shake my head furiously.
“Steph—”
“No, Riley,” I cut him off. Okay … it looks like wearegoing there. It’s for the best, I know. After today, I don’t want there to be anything left unsaid between us. “I understand where you’re coming from. You missed out on the first sixteen years of his life. I get that. And as biased as I might be as his mother, he’s amazing. Heis. And I do want you to know him, okay, I do.Eventually.
“But you’ve only been back for a few months. You disappeared for years, Riley. Things got bad, and you pushed everyone away. You ran, and you kept running. I might be able to overlook the heartbreak for myself, knowing the truth of it now. It’s like I told you the last time we were here. I can’t fight this— this thing between us anymore. So yeah, I’m willing to take that risk and try again with you. Doesn’t mean I have any idea how to do this. How … ” I trail off again, then shrug helplessly before saying the words I know will eviscerate him. “How am I supposed to trust you with my son?”
His eyes flare. “Ourson.”
“Our son,” I agree softly. We’re both silent for a long moment. The wind lifts my hair, blowing strands of it into my face, and I’m surprised to find my cheeks are wet when I go to brush them away. Riley notices the movement and reaches to catch a tear as it tracks down my face.
“I’m sorry,” he whispers, and I’m not even sure what he’s apologizing for anymore.
“I know. I am, too. But it doesn’t change anything. How am I supposed to trust you with him?” I ask once more. “Trust that you won’t make him love you, like you did with me, and then leave again. This is going to turn his life upside down. And I know I need to own my part in that, in keeping this from him. But I did what I had to do. I did what I thought was right for my child at the time. He needed a father, one who was present.” For a while, anyway, a little voice in my brain corrects.
Everyone leaves eventually.
He shifts closer and takes my face in his hands, forcing my gaze to his once more. “I’m not going anywhere, Steph. Not again. Not ever.”
I suck in a sharp breath at his sudden nearness. At the forcefulness of his words and the sincerity behind his stare.
“I want to believe you,” I whisper, and hot tears sting my eyes once more. “I mostly do. Believe you. But I need you to prove it. I need you to put in the time and show me you’re not going anywhere. We have to take this slow with him, okay?”
He lets out a long breath, his hands falling away from my face, and his shoulders dropping in unison. “Okay,” he agrees. “I know he’ll be worth the wait. It all will be.”
I offer him a small smile, and he returns it, the skin around his eyes crinkling in a way it didn’t when he was younger, but that makes him even more appealing now. There’s so much life lived in his face. In his eyes. So much I still don’t know despite the history between us. And I want to know it, I realize—I want to know him again.
“Can you forgive me?” I ask softly.
He reaches for me then, once more closing the distance between us as he pulls me effortlessly into his lap. I let out a surprised squeak but melt quickly into his embrace, just like I used to—like no time has passed. Somehow, despite everything, I still feel safe with his arms around me.
“Yeah, baby,” he says, wiping another tear from my cheek. “I’m hurt and frustrated, and still processing, but … we’ll get through this. I’m gonna show up, Steph.” He squeezes me tighter against him, and I move my arms to wrap around his neck. “I’m gonna show up for you. For my son. And for Alex, too. I’m gonna be there. I promise you, Sunshine. I’m not going anywhere.”
I nod into his chest, breathing in the still familiar scent of him.
“Just please give me the chance.”
Wesittogetheronour rock for a long while, quietly enjoying the feel of being back in each other’s arms. My face is buried in his neck, and I’m soothed by the soft puff of his warm breath against my ear, a jarring juxtaposition to the increasingly strong winds that sweep up the valley and tousle my hair. A large gust catches the hem of my jacket, the cool air snaking beneath my clothing and causing me to shiver.
“I think maybe I should stop coming here,” I mumble, turning my face to the darkening sky. He loosens his hold, adjusting me in his lap so he can pull back to look at me.
“Why’s that?”
I shrug, letting my hand trail down over his shoulder, coming to rest on his forearm. His incredibly strong forearm, which I know is covered in a myriad of interesting tattoos beneath his worn Carhartt jacket.
Another gust of wind lifts my hair, twisting it around and then depositing it in my face. I quickly brush it away, then glance once more to the sky before meeting his eyes. “The weather always turns when I’m here.” I sit back in his lap and shrug. “It’s a metaphor for my life, I think. I’m the dark cloud.”
He huffs out a laugh.
“What?”
