But why would she after the way I treated her? I didn’t reach out to her at any point, now, did I?
And who would want an ex-con as their baby’s father?
She didn’t know that, the other voice says.
True. But I do. And whether Steph knew about my conviction or not, she knew I was messed up. I can admit to myself that I wasn’t in a place to be a dad back then.
But you are now.
Am I?
Yes.
Speaking of now, that’s the part that hurts the most. I’ve been back for months. I’ve been trying to show her who I am.
I thought I had.
I thought she could see I’ve changed. That we can fix things. I thought after that kiss we were finally making progress.
Thatwas the day for revealing secrets.
I’d spilled my guts to her, and still, she’d kept this from me. Seemingly had every intention of continuing to keep it from me.
Do you really think a few months of flirting can make up for all the pain that you’ve caused? All the years you were away?
That damn little voice is starting to get on my nerves, even if it does make some valid points.
Fuck.
Seems like there’s plenty of blame to go around. And a lot I still need to work out before I even attempt to speak to either of them.
I sigh.
“Thought so,” Bobby says quietly and moves to the door, leaving me alone with my thoughts.
27
Steph
“Figuredyou’dshowhereeventually,” Riley says, his eyes wary as he looks up at me from where he’s seated on the outcropping of rock that, much as I’ve tried to deny it over the years, has always beenours. The large boulder, which offers us some privacy from the ridge’s public lookout a few meters above, supports his back as he turns to stare out over the valley and waters below. The smell of rain is heavy in the air, and my skin has a decidedly dewy feel to it. I can’t help but think the dark clouds gathering out over the lakes foreshadow the coming conversation. I move to step around the boulder, trailing myhand along the stone for support, hesitating only momentarily before I suck it up and join him. Careful to leave a couple of feet of distance between us, I settle back against the cool granite. My stomach is twisted in knots, and my heart feels like it’s in my throat.
It’s been three days since Thanksgiving. Three days since I’d stared down the hallway from Nora’s kitchen at Riley’s retreating back. Three days since I’d watched him storm out and slam the front door behind him, leaving the little dog who’d tried to follow whining, and me trembling.
I don’t know exactly what I’m doing here, but after two restless, heartsick nights, I couldn’t think of anywhere else to go. And somehow, I knew I’d find him here when I was ready to talk.
AmI ready?
Not really. But I need to be.
“I half expected you to turn me away,” I say finally.
He makes a noise somewhere between a snort and a huff, but it serves to communicate his disdain effectively. “I don’t hide from important conversations,” he says pointedly, and I know it’s meant to be a dig at me, at my avoidance of him when he first returned to town. It doesn’t land, though, the hypocrisy of that statement lying thick between us, and I watch as he squeezes his eyes shut, dropping his head back against the rock with the realization. We both know it—feelit. It doesn’t need to be said. Nevertheless, I’m unable to avoid pointing it out.
“That’s pretty rich coming from you.”
He shrugs, still not looking at me. “Maybe. But I’ve changed, Steph. I’m not the guy who runs anymore. I’ve been trying to show you that. I thought—” he breaks off with a sigh. “I thought, after the last time we were here, after our talk, that you got that. I thought we’d finally made some progress.” He snorts again, his mouth twisting into a grimace. “Never imagined you were keeping something likethisfrom me.”
“Oh, so you’re the only one allowed to have secrets now?”
