“Riley,” I breathe. I'm a mess of contradictions. One hand grips his t-shirt, holding him close, while the other presses against his shoulder, ready to shove him away at a moment’s notice.
I want torun.
I want to feel his hands, his touch, all over my body.
“Say. It,” he grits out, fingers digging into my hips. He's trembling, and I realize I am too. Riley’s breath is hot and hungry, his mouth an inch from mine …
“So help me God, I need you to say it, Steph.”
I might come to regret this, but I'm well past the point of no return with this man. Again.
Finally, I whisper, “Kiss me.”
And then, his lips are on mine, breathing me back to life. Riley pours all of his feelings into this kiss, and I know everything he told me earlier was the truth. That he never stopped loving me. I also understand that I never stopped loving him, much as it terrifies me to admit it. And fuck, it really does.
I need to slow this down, put on the brakes—I need him to kiss me like this forever.
My skin tingles, and electricity sparks in my veins. A hand comes up to cup my face as he deepens the kiss, a low groan slipping from the back of his throat as our tongues collide. I'm coming alive under his touch, feeling things I haven’t allowed myself to feel in years. It's not smooth. There’s very little finesse in this kiss. It’s desperate, and wet, and our teeth smack togetheras we go at each other with fervor, but I don’t care.I don’t care, and neither does he.
Suddenly, there’s no history. No past. No ghosting, no cheating. Nosecrets. Just us, the way we were always meant to be.
You’dthinkI’dfeelbetter when we finally part. Afterthatkiss. After finally getting the answers to questions that have plagued me for years.
And Ido.
In a lot of ways, I do.
I know now why he left me, and more importantly, that he didn’t want to.
I know where he’s been all this time.
I know he was only doing what he thought was right for me, and he didn’t betray me with another woman.
It doesn’t take away the hurt or the damage his abandonment did to my psyche, but it does ease the anger, some of the heaviness, in my heart. For a long time, I pushed it all down. Pushedhimdown.
I had lots of reasons for it.
Survival.
But I was also ashamed to admit, even to myself, that I still cared. Now I can freely acknowledge that I’ve missed him, and God help me, but I want this.Us.I want to try again with him.
Riley got in his truck with a huge grin on his face, reluctant to leave me but running late for his shift at the bar. He drove away probably thinking all is right with the world.
“I’m so happy we’ve got everything out in the open now, Sunshine,” he’d said right before he kissed me softly on the lips one last time. “Now there’s nothing holding us back.”
I’d smiled and nodded, still flushed from that epic kiss, and then waved as he pulled out of the lot. Beneath the surface, though, anxiety roiled, thick and weighty, stealing my breath as it slowly consumed my lingering elation.
Because everythingisn’tall out in the open yet.
BecauseIstill have a secret.
24
Riley
Iwoketothenewsthat Steph and her family will be joining us for Thanksgiving dinner later today. I don’t understand how my mom could have kept this from me until now, knowing how I feel about the woman. It would have been nice to have had some more time to prepare, to get myself in the right headspace to be around her with so many other people present. Things are still strained with my brother—he’s still refusing to speak to me—so that’s not going to help things. And apparently, Lucy and Aidan’s work partner, Noah, will also be celebrating with us. Jack will no doubt be over, as well; he was frequently a part of our familygatherings growing up, even before we lost my dad, so that’s to be expected. And of course, Steph will be bringing her boys. So, yeah, a little more warning would have been nice. But there it is.
According to my mom, it took quite a bit of convincing on Piper’s part to get Steph to agree to join what’s been eye-rollingly dubbed ‘Friendsgiving’, so I’ll have to be sure to thank her when I see her. But also, I wonder why? Why did it take convincing? I’d heard that her parents retired to Florida when the boys were still young, so she doesn't have any family in town, and I know they all socialize regularly, so I can’t help but think her hesitation is due to my presence. And that’s a bummer, not gonna lie.
